My writing task part 1
학생이 쓴 원문
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why? What can be done to attract local peole?
We are living in 21th century. It has been so many changes comparing with 19th and 20th century. One of them is development of transportation. Vehicle like airplane brought huge increase in tourism. As a result, there are giant number of tourist visiting famous site in each country. However, those tourists made local people hard to visit their own places because of crowded people. And it is also familiar to them so they could feel so attractive to them. I suggest several plans to solve those problem.
(I have to upload the task in 4 time because it is limited......)
강사 첨삭
Keep your introduction short and simple, [이름].
Simply paraphrase the prompt.
Use similar words like this:
It is undeniable that instead of local residents, a huge percentage of tourists flock to museums and historical sites. This essay will state the reason of this phenomenon and suggest methods in order to encourage residents to visit these places.
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why? What can be done to attract local people?
>>CORRECT!
We are living in 21th century.
>>CORRECT!
We are living in 21th century.
>>We are living in the 21st century.
It has been so many changes comparing with 19th and 20th century.
>>There have been so many changes as compared to 19th and 20th century.
One of them is development of transportation.
>>One of them is the development of transportation.
Vehicle like airplane brought huge increase in tourism.
>>Vehicles like airplane brought huge increase in tourism.
As a result, there are giant number of tourist visiting famous site in each country.
>>As a result, there is a huge number of tourist visiting famous sites in each country.
However, those tourists made local people hard to visit their own places because of crowded people.
>>However, those tourists made it hard for visit their own places because of crowded people.
And it is also familiar to them so they could feel so attractive to them.
>>And they are also familiar with those places, so they could feel so attractive to them.
I suggest several plans to solve those problem.
>>CORRECT!
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