n many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do

2021-09-07 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

I don\'t think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence. Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. There is saying \"there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. In addition, our law doesn\'t impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old. They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison. So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country. I also agree that citizen\'s mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.

강사 첨삭

Hi there Mr. [이름]! Today is....... MY BIRTHDAY! Where is my present??? kkkk kidding!!! Anyway, thanks for your ideas on your essays. Keep writing and improve your written English. I think you\'re better in writing than in speaking. kkkk kidding again! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don\'t think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence.
>>> I don\'t think that the punishment is the best way to prevent crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situations such  sexual harassment, crime of violence and juvenile offence. 
Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. 
>>> CORRECT
There is saying \"there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
>>> There is a saying \"there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. 
>>> CORRECT
In addition, our law doesn\'t impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
>>> In addition, our law doesn\'t impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime committed by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
 They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison.
>>>  They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not be imprisoned.
 So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country.
>>>  So I want  the law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce crime rate in my country.
 I also agree that citizen\'s mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.
>>>  I also agree that citizen\'s mind is more important to prevent crime. With this education is essential.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·