Nuclear weapons

2019-10-09 · 첨삭 강사 Joylin

학생이 쓴 원문

Topic : What\'s your opinion on countries with nuclear weapons and those who want weapons? I think that we need nuclear weapons if all countries don’t give up nuclear weapons. First, I think that powerful nations have three power. Economic power, diplomatic power and military power. So, it is very important to have strong military power. Second, developed countries like USA, France already have nuclear weapons. But they don’t approve other countries to have nuclear weapons as making the nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty. I think it is very unfair. Why do they prohibit other countries to have nuclear weapon without giving up their nuclear weapons? Finally, we suffered many wars and also, neighbor nations like Japan and North Korea, China threaten my country sometimes. Moreover, China and North Korea already have nuclear weapons. So we needs nuclear weapon to protect my country.

강사 첨삭

Hi Se [이름]!
Here are the corrections.
I think that we need nuclear weapons if all countries don’t give up nuclear weapons.
>>I think that we need nuclear weapons if all countries don’t give up on it.
First, I think that powerful nations have three power. Economic power, diplomatic power and military power.
>>First, I think that powerful nations have three power, economic, diplomatic, and military.
So, it is very important to have strong military power.
>>Correct!
Second, developed countries like USA and France already have nuclear weapons. But they don’t approve other countries to have nuclear weapons as making the nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty.
>>Correct!
I think it is very unfair. Why do they prohibit other countries to have nuclear weapon without giving up their nuclear weapons?
>>I think it is very unfair. Why do they prohibit other countries to have nuclear weapons without giving up theirs?
Finally, we suffered many wars and also, neighbor nations like Japan and North Korea, China threaten my country sometimes.
>>Finally, we suffered from many wars, and also, like neighboring nations like Japan and North Korea, China threatens my country sometimes.
Moreover, China and North Korea already have nuclear weapons. So we needs nuclear weapon to protect my country.
>>Moreover, China and North Korea already have nuclear weapons. So, we need nuclear weapons to protect my country.

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