obesity in Korea
학생이 쓴 원문
Obesity is serious problem in Korea. When the Korean civil war was happened, there was nothing to eat. So, food was very precious and people obsessed about eating. So, the old think that eating all of the cuisine that host offered to guest is moral behavior. And they try to give too much food to their grandchildren considering eating well relates to growing up. It causes children obesity. And, there are various snacks and cuisines now. Most people have to eat meal and snacks as desserts. Whenever I meet my friends, we usually go to restaurants and cafes which are famous in SNS like instagram and facebook. Also, the working culture contributes to adult obesity. Having dining together after they finish working is one of the culture in company. They eat fatty food like pork and fried chicken until late night with alcohol. Irregular life cycle and sitting most hours of day strengthen the healthy problem. That\'s why we can find BMI chart whenever we go to the hospital.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this Mary!
Obesity is serious problem in Korea.
>>> Obesity is a serious problem in Korea.
When the Korean civil war was happened, there was nothing to eat.
>>> When the Korean civil war happened, there was nothing to eat.
So, food was very precious and people obsessed about eating.
>>> So, food was very precious and people were obsessed about eating.
So, the old think that eating all of the cuisine that host offered to guest is moral behavior.
>>> So, the old think that eating all of the cuisine that the host offered to a guest is a moral behavior.
>>> OR: Therefore, old people think that eating all of the dishes the host offered to a guest is a polite behavior.
And they try to give too much food to their grandchildren considering eating well relates to growing up.
>>> correct
It causes children obesity.
>>> correct
And, there are various snacks and cuisines now.
>>> correct
Most people have to eat meal and snacks as desserts.
>>> correct
Whenever I meet my friends, we usually go to restaurants and cafes which are famous in SNS like instagram and facebook.
>>> correct
Also, the working culture contributes to adult obesity.
>>> correct
Having dining together after they finish working is one of the culture in company.
>>> Having dinner together after they finish working is one of the culture in most companies.
They eat fatty food like pork and fried chicken until late night with alcohol.
>>> correct
Irregular life cycle and sitting most hours of day strengthen the healthy problem.
>>> Irregular life cycle and sitting most hours of the day worsen the health problem.
That\'s why we can find BMI chart whenever we go to the hospital.
>>> correct
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