Outdoor experience
학생이 쓴 원문
When I was a kid, I spent much time outdoors. As there was stream next to my house, I could have a new experience there every day. When the season had passed, the scene of the stream changed. Therefore I was curious about the change of nature. For example, a cherry blossom tree which was covered with a white snow of winter bloomed its lovely flowers in the spring. Like this, there were many unique lessons that I could not learn from the textbooks at school. Also, I liked crossing the stream on the stepping stones. It was a quite scared but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swim[이름]g in the water. Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experience. Without video games and smartphones, we just ran and jumped together happily. Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful ourdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.
강사 첨삭
Hi there [이름] Ji!
It\'s good to hear that you enjoyed your childhood.
And yes, I hope that coronavirus would be over, so that kids could enjoy the outdoor life.
Thank you!
When I was a kid, I spent much time outdoors.
>>> CORRECT!
OR: When I was young, I spent a lot of time outside.
As there was stream next to my house, I could have a new experience there every day.
>>> There was a stream next to my house, so I could have a new experience every day.
When the season had passed, the scene of the stream changed.
>>> CORRECT!
OR: After the season, the scenery of the stream changed.
Therefore I was curious about the change of nature.
>>> So I was curious about the change in nature.
For example, a cherry blossom tree which was covered with a white snow of winter bloomed its lovely flowers in the spring.
>>> CORRECT!
OR: For example, cherry blossom trees covered with winter\'s white snow bloomed lovely flowers in spring.
Like this, there were many unique lessons that I could not learn from the textbooks at school.
>>> CORRECT!
Also, I liked crossing the stream on the stepping stones.
>>> Also, I liked to cross the stream while stepping on rocks.
It was a quite scared but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swim[이름]g in the water.
>>> It was quite scary but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swim[이름]g in the water.
Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experience.
>>> Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experiences.
OR: Besides, spending time outdoors with my friends was one of my favorite outdoor experiences.
Without video games and smartphones, we just ran and jumped together happily.
>>> CORRECT!
OR: Without video games and smartphones, we ran and ran together happily.
Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful ourdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.
>>> Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful outdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.
OR: So I hope that the coronavirus disappears as soon as possible so that we can experience other meaningful outdoor experiences like what I did when I was young.
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