Overall, do you support or oppose facial recognition in commercial spaces? Explain.

2026-01-13 · 첨삭 강사 Beth

학생이 쓴 원문

Due to security reasons, many commercial buildings are now equipped with the facial recognition system. This technology can ensure safety because it tracks down all the visitors in and out to the building. Especially for the countries where shoplifting is prevalent, this system can decrease the rate of crime by specifying suspects and making sure the shoppers to be more cautious. However, there are limitations too. Since thit is technology is under introductory phase, there can be various malfunctions such as specifying suspects based on the race and gender. Also, there is a concern about storing large amounts of personal data. Technological development has entailed various crimes, and the image of shoppers can be used in crime if there is a data breach. For example, there is an allegation that consumer data breached from Coupang, South Korean e-commerce giant, is now being sold in China. Since every personal data matters, it is essential to ensure data safety.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for this, Aciel! Have a good day ahead.

Due to security reasons, many commercial buildings are now equipped with the facial recognition system. 
>>> correct 
>>> OR: Due to security concerns, many commercial buildings are now equipped with facial recognition systems. 
This technology can ensure safety because it tracks down all the visitors in and out to the building. 
>>> This technology can ensure safety because it tracks down all the visitors coming in and out of the building.  
Especially for the countries where shoplifting is prevalent, this system can decrease the rate of crime by specifying suspects and making sure the shoppers to be more cautious.
>>>  Especially in countries where shoplifting is prevalent, this system can reduce crime rates by identifying suspects and encouraging shoppers to be more cautious.
However, there are limitations too. 
>>>  correct
>>> OR: However, there are also limitations. 
Since thit is technology is under introductory phase, there can be various malfunctions such as specifying suspects based on the race and gender. 
>>> Since this technology is still in its early stages, various malfunctions can occur, such as misidentifying suspects based on race or gender.  
Also, there is a concern about storing large amounts of personal data. 
>>>  correct
Technological development has entailed various crimes, and the image of shoppers can be used in crime if there is a data breach. 
>>>  OR: Technological development has also led to new types of crimes, and images of shoppers could be misused if a data breach occurs.
For example, there is an allegation that consumer data breached from Coupang, South Korean e-commerce giant, is now being sold in China. 
>>>  For example, there have been allegations that consumer data leaked from Coupang, a major South Korean e-commerce company, is being sold in China. 
Since every personal data matters, it is essential to ensure data safety.
>>>  OR: Since all personal data is important, it is essential to ensure strong data protection.
 

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·