Parents pressure and its repercussions.

2020-03-11 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

As the world becoming more competitive, there is an increasing number of parents who push their children harshly to make them successful. While it is understandable that parents don\'t want to let their kids lag behind others in general, too much pressures are likely to have a negative impact on their children because being successful, in the parents\' term, is strongly associated with financial prosperity. In this context, children who pursue relatively unpopular goals would be easily demoralised even if they have the potential and forced to outperform their peers in the fields of the parents\' interest. In fact, the majority of Korean students are suffered by those pressures under the homogenous culture and the hierarchical education system. They put a lot of time and efforts studying not to achieve their own goals but to simply beat others and win the first place in exams. However, there are few students who actually win the race so that the rest of them identify themselves as losers.

강사 첨삭

Hi Drexel! Thanks again for your thoughts on this one. I really appreciate it. ^ ^
Well written thoughts. I just made a little revision and changed some words in your sentences to make it more appealing. ^ ^ 
-Teacher Jedah 

As the world becoming more competitive, there is an increasing number of parents who push their children harshly to make them successful. 
>>As the world is becoming more competitive, there is an increasing number of parents who push their children harshly to succeed.
While it is understandable that parents don\'t want to let their kids lag behind others in general, too much pressures are likely to have a negative impact on their children because being successful, in the parents\' term, is strongly associated with financial prosperity. (we can make two sentences out of this statement)
>>While it is understandable that parents don\'t want to let their kids lag behind others in general, too much pressure is likely to have a negative impact on their children.
>>However, in a parent view or perspective; being successful is strongly associated with financial prosperity.
In this context, children who pursue relatively unpopular goals would be easily demoralised even if they have the potential and forced to outperform their peers in the fields of the parents\' interest. 
>>CORRECT (*demoralized)
In fact, the majority of Korean students are suffered by those pressures under the homogenous culture and the hierarchical education system. 
>>In fact, the majority of Korean students are burdened by those pressures under the homogeneous culture and the hierarchical education system. 
They put a lot of time and efforts studying not to achieve their own goals but to simply beat others and win the first place in exams. 
>>They put a lot of time and effort studying, not to achieve their own goals but to simply beat others and gain first rank in the exams.
However, there are few students who actually win the race so that the rest of them identify themselves as losers.
>>CORRECT

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