Part2, Photograph

2020-12-10 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

I am fond of watching photos like Sunrise or Sunset on the horizon. I also love taking pictures of wild animals, picturesque scenery, and my family members. One of the most favorite pictures is the sunrise in the East seashore. These days, I try to take wildlife photos in the forest or the seashore, but I don\'t get the chance to do it often because my wife doesn\'t like going to travel in the Corona Pandemic. So now, every other week on Saturday, I go to different areas of the city and look for interesting pictures to take. My favorite sunrise image at the East seaside was taken about five years ago on a business trip with government officers. The aim of the business trip explained the railway construction project. I wanted to be a good photographer so I could endure for a long time before the dawn. Lastly, I captured the moment of the uprising sun. At that moment, I inadvertently pressed the camera button. I made my masterpiece photo. Then, I knew that art was created by accident.

강사 첨삭

Here\'s your edited composition, [이름]!
See you in class!

Cheers,
Jean~~


I am fond of watching photos like Sunrise or Sunset on the horizon.
 >> I am fond of watching photos, such as sunrise or sunset on the horizon.

I also love taking pictures of wild animals, picturesque scenery, and my family members.
>> Also, I love taking pictures of wild animals, picturesque sceneries, and my family members.

One of the most favorite pictures is the sunrise in the East seashore.
>> One of my favorite pictures is the sunrise in the East seashore.

 These days, I try to take wildlife photos in the forest or the seashore, but I don\'t get the chance to do it often because my wife doesn\'t like going to travel in the Corona Pandemic. 
>> These days, I try to take wildlife photos in the forest or at the seashore, but I don\'t get the chance to do it often because my wife doesn\'t like going on trips during the pandemic.

So now, every other week on Saturday, I go to different areas of the city and look for interesting pictures to take.
>> So now, every other Saturday, I go to different areas of the city and look for interesting pictures to take.

My favorite sunrise image at the East seaside was taken about five years ago on a business trip with government officers. The aim of the business trip explained the railway construction project.
>> My favorite sunrise image at the East seaside was taken about five years ago on a business trip with government officers. The aim of that trip was to explain the railway construction project.

I wanted to be a good photographer so I could endure for a long time before the dawn. 
>> correct

Lastly, I captured the moment of the uprising sun. At that moment, I inadvertently pressed the camera button. I made my masterpiece photo.
>> Finally, I could capture that magical moment when the sun started to rise and at that split second, I inadvertently pressed the camera button, and I made my masterpiece photo. 

Then, I knew that art was created by accident.
>> Then, I knew that art can be created by accident.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

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