Personal information on internet

2016-08-10 · 첨삭 강사 Lynn

학생이 쓴 원문

George Orwell predicted and warned in his novel <1984> that government will increase more and more surveillance of personal privacy. That time is before the internet is developing. People does half in doubt "is it really?" But it becomes realization. Since the internet was invented, too much information piling up on the internet. Personal information piling up, too. Everyone wanted to keep secret personal information. But as soon as personal information was on the internet, Regardless of their personal intention, it spread in a flash all over the world. To posting his(her) information on the internet is one thing, but to spreading on the internet by others is quite another matter. Personal information is naturally deserve to protect by the law. A person should not expose other person's information without permission. It is exception only public official and civil servant. Individuals and public service should strictly seperated.

강사 첨삭

Hello sir,

A cool Wednesday to you sir!

Cyber bullying is a major problem now due to the internet. Public officials or civil servants should open their lives to the public but they deserve to keep some things about their lives private too. They have rights to privacy too. Anyway, very good composition as usual. See you later sir!

Take care!

~T. Lynn

 

George Orwell predicted and warned in his novel <1984> that government will increase more and more surveillance of personal privacy.

>>correct!

That time is before the internet is developing.

>>At that time, the internet is still developing.

OR>> The internet is still undeveloped at that time.

People does half in doubt \"is it really?\" But it becomes realization.

>>People had doubts but it became a reality.

Since the internet was invented, too much information piling up on the internet.

>>Since the internet was invented, too much information had been piling up on the internet.

Personal information piling up, too.

>>Personal information is piling too.

Everyone wanted to keep secret personal information.

>>Everyone wanted to keep their secret personal information.

But as soon as personal information was on the internet, regardless of their personal intention, it spread in a flash all over the world.

>>correct!

To posting his(her) information on the internet is one thing, but to spreading on the internet by others is quite another matter.

>>To post your information on the internet is one thing but to spread it on the internet by others is quite another matter.

Personal information is naturally deserve to protect by the law.

>>Personal information is naturally protected by the law.

A person should not expose other person\'s information without permission.

>>correct!

It is exception only public official and civil servant.

>>It is an exception if you are a public servant or a civil servant.

Individuals and public service should strictly seperated.

>>Individuals and public service should be strictly separated.

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