Personal success

2015-08-11 · 첨삭 강사 Paula

학생이 쓴 원문

Maussita is a world-wide company in Japan. A student who graduated the most famous university in Japan with his best school record appllied for this company instead of opportunity that is given by the school. But there was no his name on the list of a successful candidate. He suffered from the failure with anger and shame and commited suicide by taking a lot of sedatives at last. Next day, a telegram saying that his name is on the list of success but some problem with computer program cause him left off the list. But it is too late. The charge of personal section of the company felt pity for that. But, when it became known to the boss of the company, his reaction was extraordinary. " It is a pity that he died in young age, but my company is lucky not to accept him because his psychological state is too unstable to deal with a big problem in troublesome situation. If he felt a big frustration in doing some difficult situation, he probably deal impulsively and unreasonably.

강사 첨삭

Dear [Name]. [이름],   A fantastic day to you! ^.^ Happy Tuesday! ^,^   I am again thankful for your sharing, but I felt sad about the graduate who committed suicide just because of a list. He should have double-checked it. However, it is really too late to do things for him. He is gone now. I hope other people won\'t waste their lives. Being alive is wonderful! ^^   Anyway, thank you for the sharing once again! ^^, I appreciate it a lot. ^^.   That\'s all for now! ^^ Happy reading! ^^, See you tomorrow! ^^.   ... Teacher Paula ... ^.~   P.S.: Why were you absent in our class?     Maussita is a world-wide company in Japan. >> I THINK IT IS BETTER TO SAY: Maussita is a world-wide company which is based in Japan. >> OR: Maussita is an international company which is mainly based in Japan. (You can use MAINLY BASED IN if the company has branches in other countries.) >> OR: Maussita is an international company which is based in Japan. (BASED IN is used if we are only talking about one branch.) A student who graduated the most famous university in Japan with his best school record appllied for this company instead of opportunity that is given by the school. >> I THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY IS: A student who graduated from the most famous university in Japan with his best school record applied to this company instead of getting the opportunity that was given to him by the school. But there was no his name on the list of a successful candidate. >> I THINK WHAT YOU MEAN IS: But, his name was not included on the list of successful graduates of the institution. He suffered from the failure with anger and shame and commited suicide by taking a lot of sedatives at last. >> IT IS BETTER TO SAY: He sufferef from the failure with anger and shame, and he even committed suicide by taking a lot of sedatives. Next day, a telegram saying that his name is on the list of success but some problem with computer program cause him left off the list. >> I THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY IS: The next day, a telegram arrived saying that his name is on the list of successful graduates of the university where he finished his studies. It was also said that there was some problem with the computer program that they used for the listing caused him left off the list. But it is too late. >> But, it was too late. >> OR: However, it was too late. The charge of personal section of the company felt pity for that. >> The person in-charge of that section of the company felt pity for him because of that. >> OR: The person in-charge of that section of the company felt pity for him because of what happened. But, when it became known to the boss of the company, his reaction was extraordinary. >> CORRECT! >> OR: But, when the CEO of the company knew about it, his reaction was extraordinary. \" It is a pity that he died in young age, but my company is lucky not to accept him because his psychological state is too unstable to deal with a big problem in troublesome situation. >> He said, \"It is a pity that he died at a young age, but my company is lucky not to accept him, because his psychological state is too unstable to deal with a big problem in troublesome situation.\" >> OR: He quoted that, \"It is a pity that he died at a young age, but my company is lucky for not accepting him, because his psychological state is too unstable. In that case, he doesn\'t have the ability to deal with big problems in troublesome situations.\" If he felt a big frustration in doing some difficult situation, he probably deal impulsively and unreasonably. >> If he felt a big frustration in doing some difficult tasks, he would probably deal with them impulsively and unreasonably.

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