Plastic surgery of women.

2020-03-31 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

It is undeniable that a growing number of women are willing to get plastic surgery to improve their images for both themselves and others. Thanks to cutting-edge technologies, they are now able to go through the entire procedure in more convenient and faster ways than how it was before. However, I firmly believe that a society in which individuals associate their appearances with self-confidence to an excessive extent destroys its members\' mental health as well as physical one. The popularity of plastic surgery, in fact, illustrates people having trouble valueing themselves in just the way they are due to the inappropriate ideologies of lookism and sexism. Moreover, people who lack self-respect are more likely to suffer from depression or to become addicted to the surgery than those who don\'t. In this regard, women shouldn\'t let those discriminatory ideas decide what they value and how they want themselves to be. Everyone has its own beauty and inner strengths.

강사 첨삭

Nicely done Drexel!  ^ ^ Well composed and well organized thoughts! ^ ^
I definitely agree with you. It won\'t change your life nor solve your problems or issues. But on the other hand, it gives you greater self-confidence and add to your sense of well-being. Just saying. ^ ^ As long as it doesn\'t become an addiction. And, it\'s still best to be yourself and having that confidence. After all, everything is not all about physical. ^ ^ 
-Teacher Jedah

It is undeniable that a growing number of women are willing to get plastic surgery to improve their images for both themselves and others. 
>>CORRECT
Thanks to cutting-edge technologies, they are now able to go through the entire procedure in more convenient and faster ways than how it was before. 
>>CORRECT
However, I firmly believe that a society in which individuals associate their appearances with self-confidence to an excessive extent destroys its members\' mental health as well as physical one. 
>>CORRECT
The popularity of plastic surgery, in fact, illustrates people having trouble valuing themselves in just the way they are due to the inappropriate ideologies of lookism and sexism. 
>>CORRECT
Moreover, people who lack self-respect are more likely to suffer from depression or to become addicted to the surgery than those who don\'t. 
>>CORRECT
In this regard, women shouldn\'t let those discriminatory ideas decide what they value and how they want themselves to be. 
>>CORRECT
Everyone has its own beauty and inner strengths.
>>CORRECT

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