please check my essay^^ essay 1

I'll introduce my hobby to you! One of my hobbies is collecting the OK cashbag point. When I was 6 years old, I went to E-mart with mom and dad, at that time, I saw that my dad pushed his point card into some machine and accumulated points in it. It was very strange for me and I wondered about that. so I asked for him. He explained to me what I want to know, but It's difficult for me to understand at once. But I think that it was likely to excite for me. After that, whenever I go to mart and buy something, I started to collect the points. At first, mom and dad helped me, but now I can do it by myself. sometimes, I want to collect a lot of points and press mom buy more expensive goods, so I was scolded by mom. Mom said to me " It is a case of the tail wagging the dog." Then, I couldn't control my mind, because I hope I have more points. But now, I don't do that action anymore.

Interesting! It seems like you were addicted to that kind of activity for a period of time. We actually have something similar to that as well here in our country. There are a lot of freebies if we earn a lot of points. Well, thanks for sharing me this hobby of yours. T. Nica I\'ll introduce my hobby to you!>>Correct!One of my hobbies is collecting the OK cashbag point.>>Correct!When I was 6 years old, I went to E-mart with mom and dad, at that time, I saw that my dad pushed his point card into some machine and accumulated points in it. >>When I was 6 years old, I went to E-mart with mom and dad. At that time, I saw that my dad pushed his point card into some machine and accumulated points in it.It was very strange for me and I wondered about that. >>Correct! so I asked for him. >>So I asked him.He explained to me what I want to know, but It\'s difficult for me to understand at once. >>He explained to me what I wanted to know but it was difficult for me to understand at once.  But I think that it was likely to excite for me. . >>But I thought it was interesting. After that, whenever I go to mart and buy something, I started to collect the points.>>After that, whenever I go to the mart and buy something, I started to collect points.At first, mom and dad helped me, but now I can do it by myself. >>Correct!sometimes, I want to collect a lot of points and press mom buy more expensive goods, so I was scolded by mom. >>Sometime, I want to collect a lot of points so I press my mom to buy more expensive goods so I was scolded by my mom.  Mom said to me \" It is a case of the tail wagging the dog.\" >>Correct!Then, I couldn\'t control my mind, because I hope I have more points. >>Then I couldn\'t have peace of mind because I hope to earn more points.But now, I don\'t do that action anymore. >>But I don\'t do that anymore.