Prejudice of intelligence
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you for your help and encourages
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Organization is still the focus in this composition.
Look for ways you can simplify your answers.
Try proofreading your work and make sure to change every sentence into a more simpler one.
This is how to practice effectively.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are some people who are born with genius.
>> There are some people who are born a genius.
However, most people are learning during their lives and get intelligence.
>> However, most people learn throughout their lives and develop their intelligence.
Nevertheless, some people think that intelligence are already fixed when we are born, and intelligence is not changeable even though we learn.
>> Nevertheless, some people think that intelligence is inborn and the level of intelligence is not changeable even though we learn.
This essay will discuss that intelligence is innate or not and I would express my opinion as well.
>> This essay will discuss whether intelligence is inborn or not and I would express my opinion as well.
The people who think intelligence is innate believe that the function of brain is determined by parents.
>> The people who think that intelligence is inborn believe that the function of the brain is determined by parents.
In fact, there are many cases that genius people have genius parents.
>> In fact, there are many cases where genius people have genius parents.
For instance, we all agree the true that if one of parents has excellent drawing skill, normally their child has the ability.
>> For instance, we all agree with the truth that if one of the parents has excellent drawing skills, then his or her child would have the same ability.
People believe that gene is very powerful and influences to their child.
>> People believe that genes are very powerful and have a great influence on their child.
However, others think that learning is more powerful to get intelligence than gene.
>> However, others think that learning is more powerful in developing intelligence than genes.
Even though genius person have ability, it can be useless without learning and practicing.
>> Even though a genius has ability, it can be useless without learning and practicing.
Specially, it is impossible that people know some specific words or languages without learning.
>> Specially, it is impossible for people to know some specific words or languages without learning.
People need time to learn and study.
>> Correct
Moreover, people can be genius through learning.
>> Moreover, people can become a genius through learning.
In my view, both opinions have merits.
>> Correct
There are small percentage of people who do not need to learn but already know many things because they have excellent brains.
>> There is a small percentage of people who do not need to learn but already know many things because they have excellent brains.
However, normal people need time to learn.
>> Correct
Even though a person has higher intelligence than others, if he/she does not learn a person cannot improve the intelligence.
>> Even though a person has higher intelligence than others, he or she cannot improve without learning.
In conclusion, there are some gaps of intelligence by gene, but learning is inevitable activity for improving our abilities.
>> In conclusion, there are some gaps in intelligence by genes, but learning is an inevitable activity to improve our abilities.
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