punishment

2022-04-07 · 첨삭 강사 Aki

학생이 쓴 원문

I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency. So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling. I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them. At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other\'s human right. I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

강사 첨삭

Good day, Ms, [이름]!
Oh I hope that they are thinking what you\'re thinking that it is for their personal growth that they are being disciplined. People tend to focus more on the \"wrong doings\" of the person rather than the positive result.
Thank you for your answer. and try to focus on those minor corrections for the improvement of your sentence construction.
Stay well!
Aki~~
I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.
>>> I think that the ultimate purpose of the penalty is not the punishment itself but the improvement of their behavior to avoid delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.
>>> So at first, we need a counseling period for them. Not short terms or cursory counseling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.
>>> I thought about what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other\'s human right.
>>> At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded others\' human rights.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
>>> I\'d like to recommend the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

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