Q3 a challenging moment in your life and what you learned from it.

2020-05-18 · 첨삭 강사 Selene

학생이 쓴 원문

When I worked as a loan department manager, I had a serious conflict with Mr. [Name], my branch head, about loan issuance. Mr. [Name] wanted more loans for a certain company and I opposed that because it is too risky. And it made Mr. [Name] uncomfortable. To resolve the problem, I went to his room more than 10 times. we had several intensive debates and finally we reached the agreement after a week later. From the event, I learned that the conflict cannot be avoidable. But we have to manage it no matter how hard it would. As the result, the head and me are still in very good relationship, even though we had several more conflicts after that event.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름]!^^
Good job! keep on improving your grammar and writing skills!^_^

When I worked as a loan department manager, I had a serious conflict with Mr. [Name], my branch head, about loan issuance. 
>>>When I worked as a loan department manager, I had a serious conflict about loan issuance with Mr. [Name] who was my branch head. 
Mr. [Name] wanted more loans for a certain company and I opposed that because it is too risky. And it made Mr. [Name] uncomfortable.
>>>Mr. [Name] wanted more loans from a certain company and I opposed to that because it was too risky which made him uncomfortable.
To resolve the problem, I went to his room more than 10 times.
>>>To resolve the problem, I went to his room for more than 10 times.
we had several intensive debates and finally we reached the agreement after a week later.
>>>We had several intensive debates and finally we reached an agreement after a week.
From the incident, I learned that the conflict cannot be avoidable. But we have to manage it no matter how hard it would.
>>>From that event, I learned that conflicts cannot be avoidable but we have to manage it no matter how hard it would.
As the result, the head and me are still in very good relationship, even though we had several more conflicts after that event.
>>>As the result, the head and me are still in a very good relationship even though we had more conflicts after that incident.

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