rabbit story
학생이 쓴 원문
I had raised five rabbits before. At first, I raised two rabbits. They have red eyes. They became too big to live home because the smell spread everywhere. So my father let them loose at mountain. I don't know at that time. I was very young, I couldn't nothing but just crying. Few months passed, my father bought another two rabbits. I was very happy they have black eyes and they look very pretty and cute! Especially my rabbit was very lovely rather than my brother's one. Unfortunately, my rabbit fell ill and died on the three days. I was sad, so my father bring another rabbit. My parents worried about rabbit died again so they pick up big and strong rabbit. It didn't lovely and cute and pretty. It looked like tough. I missed my ex-rabbit. Someday I'll tell you about my puppy's story.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름],
I can’t imagine how those rabbits look like.
I have a question though, do you still have them up to these days?
See you on Monday, have a great weekend,
Connie
I had raised five rabbits before.
>> I raised five rabbits before.
At first, I raised two rabbits. They have red eyes.
>> At first, I raised two rabbits, they have red eyes.
They became too big to live home because the smell spread everywhere.
>> They grew bigger and it is so smelly that it spreads everywhere.
So my father let them loose at mountain.
>> SO my father set them free in the mountain.
I don't know at that time. I was very young, I couldn't nothing but just crying.
>> I don’t know what went on at that time, I was very young and I just cried.
Few months passed, my father bought another two rabbits.
>> A few months later, my father bought another two rabbits.
I was very happy, that they have black eyes and they look very pretty and cute!
>> correct
Especially my rabbit was very lovely rather than my brother's one.
>> Especially that my rabbit is lovelier than of my brother’s.
Unfortunately, my rabbit fell ill and died on the three days.
>> Unfortunately, my rabbit got sick and died after three days.
I was sad, so my father bring another rabbit.
>> I was so sad, so my father brought another rabbit.
My parents worried about rabbit died again so they pick up big and strong rabbit.
>> My parents are so worried that my rabbit will die again so they chose a big and stronger rabbit.
It didn't lovely and cute and pretty. It looked like tough.
>> It isn’t lovely, nor cute and nor pretty. It looks tough.
I missed my ex-rabbit.
>> Correct
Someday I'll tell you about my puppy's story.
>> Correct
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