Reading books
학생이 쓴 원문
I am not sure that my writing is improving.. especially writing task 1...
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
The transition words you have used to introduce your sentences are really good.
They made the flow of the essay smoother than before.
There are some terms that you need to familiarize yourself with.
Check them out and practice.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
The given graph illustrates how many men and women read books at Lusaka Public Library during the
period (2011-2014).
>> The given graph illustrates how many books men and women read at Lusaka Public Library during the period of 2011 to 2014.
People can see clearly the difference of the amount of books read by two genders and
the trends changed by the years through this graph.
>> People can clearly see the difference in the number of books read by the two genders and the trends changing over the years through this graph.
The first important point of this graph is that the amount of books read by both genders in 2014 increased
compared to the amount of books in 2011.
>> The first important point of this graph is that the number of books read by both genders in 2014 increased compared to the number of books in 2011.
Interestingly, men read less books than women in 2011, however,
in 2014 men read more books than women.
>> Interestingly, men read less books than women in 2011, however, in 2014, men read more books than women.
Moreover, there was a huge gap between the genders in 2014
with around 8000.
>> Moreover, there was a huge gap between the genders in 2014 with around 8000 books.
Women’s line had increased until 2013, however, it steadily decreased in 2014.
>> The women’s line had gone up until 2013, however, it steadily went down until 2014.
While,
men’s line slowly rose in 2012 and then it had rose sharply until 2014.
>> At the same time, the men’s line slowly rose in 2012 and then it had reached the highest point in 2014.
There is the point where both genders read the same amount of books in 2013 with around 9000 books.
>> There was the point where both genders read the same amount of books in 2013 with around 9000 books.
However, the trends had changed oppositely from 2013 to 2014.
>> However, there was a reverse in trends from 2013 to 2014.
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