Request for review of writing Task-2

Hi [이름],

Good afternoon. :)

I admit, I was a little bit challenged when I checked your writing

because it was bit difficult to comprehend the thoughts you wanted to

imply. :) Still, I did my best. :) :)

For my comment, please refer below.

 I think that it is positive phenomenon for countries are becoming more and more globalization by using same product although it has a bad point such as diminish the specific character of each nation and so on for several reasons.

>> I think it is a positive phenomenon for countries, becoming more and more globalized by using same products although it has some bad points, for several reasons.
 First of all, we can understand the special system of other country easily when we use the other nation’s product.

>> First of all, we can find out the special systems of other countries easily when use their national products.

To be specific, we can know the Japanese’s traffic system is opposite with system of our country by using the Japanese’s vehicle ( example : the location of handle is right side ).

>> To be specific, Japan\'s Traffic system is different from the other countries. We can only understand it if we use Japan\'s vehicles. For example, the location of the stirring wheel is at the right side of the car.
 Secondly, through the vigorous economical trade, we can develop our country’s economy such as GNP(Gross National Product) and GDP(Gross Domestic Product).

>> Secondly, through the vigorous economical trade, the economy of ones country is developed specifically on the GNP (Gross National Product) and GDP (Gross Domestic Product).

For example, by getting the technological informations of international company and adapting them on the domestic circumstances, we can develop it more competitively and effectively.

>> For example, by getting the technical information of an international company and adapting them on the domestic aspect and circumstances, we can develop it more competitively and effectively.
 Last but not least, by using the other nation’s product, we can perceive the international situation such as fashion trend, entertainment, political circumstances, sports and so on.

>> Last but not the least, by using the other nation\'s product, we can perceive international situation such as fashion trend, entertainment, politics, sports, and so on.

This will give much tips to us about our country’s forward direction.

>> This will give us knowledge and tips on how a certain country operates.

Also we can cope with the urgent international flow. 

>> Also, we can cope up with urgent international flows.
 In summary, as aforementioned, the proper international exchange such as use of other country\'s similar product will give much help to keep up with the international trend and other country\'s current situation understanding.

>> In summary, as aforementioned, proper international exchange such as usage of other countries\' products  will help us to keep up with the international trends and a better understanding about  current situations of other countries.

You did your best in this writing. :)

I felt that you put much effort on this.

However, ideas are not well organized. Some vocabularies are misused.

Please refer to you corrections above.

But, I know you can do better than this. :)

YOU SCORE for writing task 2:

TASK ACHIEVEMENT-7

COHERENCE AND COHESION- 6

VOCABULARY-6

GRAMMAR-5

TOTAL: 6 plus your score on your writing task 1 which is 5,

YOUR TOTAL SCORE FOR WRITING TASK 1 AND 2 IS    6     not bad! :)

By the way, here are some of the Sample answers I prepared for your basis. This might help you a lot.

SAMPLE ANSWER:

It is true that the globalization has made the world a global village and the countries are lot more similar than ever before. These days, people can have the same items from any part of the world, use same technologies, construct similar buildings, buy costumes of international brands and develop infrastructure which are built and designed by international companies. A number of factors have led to this situation, and, this trend, in my opinion, is greatly desirable due to various reasons.

To start with, people can purchase the most international branded items from their home country as almost all global products are available in a country that has allowed free international trades. This situation creates a tough competitive environment in the market and companies try to introduce new inventions to attract more people. So people get better choices of products with higher quality as well as in affordable price. For example, Toyota, a well known car company of Japan has a lot of outlets in India, which is much more helpful for Indians to buy these branded cars without wasting travel expense to Japan. The branded costumes, cars, and other items makes people and streets look similar and I think this declines the discrimination in the world.

Second, global companies nowadays design and build many infrastructures and those are similar in looking. Apart from that, popularity of Hollywood movies and Western celebrities inspire people all over the world to follow a similar fashion trend. This also contributes to the declining of differences among nations. This is helpful for people visiting and staying in a different county. They do not feel much difference in their experience in living in a totally different county.

Again, this trend helps to foster the migration of individuals to various places in the world. Besides, this also reduces the adjustment difficulties people usually face when living in a new place. For instance, Chinese people can consume their traditional dishes, even though they live in India, England, the USA or Australia.

In contrast, the globalization, which makes the world look like a global village, often causes the loss of cultures and diversity of many countries. But considering the advantages it brings is we have no other way than to accept this modern phenomenon. This may negatively affect the local business owing to the larger influence and availability of branded items among common people. However, in the long run the local products get higher quality and can also spread its business opportunity globally.

To conclude, globalization and similar way to life in different countries have made life far luxurious and more comfortable than in the past, despite some problems. So I hope this phenomenon is likely to continue with more acceptances among people.