Retaking driving test

2020-02-13 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

I wrote too much... hahahaha......I need to reduce the sentences for effectiveness.

강사 첨삭

Hi Ye [이름]!
Please take note of redundancy in this composition.
Aside from that, this is well-written.
Confusion is minimized and it is more organized.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many cars on the streets nowadays. 
>> Correct
It means that many people have driving licenses as well. 
>> Correct
Some countries suggest people to retake their driving test every 5 years. 
>> Some countries suggest that people retake their driving test every 5 years. 
However, there are people who think retaking driving test is unnecessary for them. 
>> However, there are people who think retaking the driving test is unnecessary for them. 
This essay will discuss what are the advantages and disadvantages of retaking driving test every 5 years. 
>> This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of retaking the driving test every 5 years. 
The first benefit of the test is that people can reduce the percentage of car accidents by taking the test. 
>> The first benefit of retaking the test is that people can reduce the percentage of car accidents.
There are people who have the licenses but never used for 5 years with many reasons. 
>> There are people who have the licenses but never used it for 5 years because of different reasons. 
However, they think they can drive and go to the streets with cars. 
>> However, they think they can drive their cars on the streets.
Eventually, it connects to the accidents. 
>> Eventually, it leads to accidents.
Therefore, retaking driving test is very important to reduce a car accident. 
>> Therefore, retaking the driving test is very important to reduce the number of car accidents. 
Secondly, it is good for people to test themselves skills they are needed to improve. 
>> Secondly, it is good for people to check which part of skills are need to improve. 
People do not know if they do not have tests. 
>> People wouldn\'t know if they do not take tests. 
It can be an opportunity to people to learn some skills of driving. 
>> It can be an opportunity for people to learn some driving skills. 
The first drawback of the test is that the government should spend money and time on unnecessary retest for people who already had enough driving skills and everyone know he/she is a best driver. 
>> The first drawback of the test is that the government would have to spend money and time on unnecessary retests for people who already have good driving skills.
For instance, bus and taxi drivers are specialist of driving. 
>> For instance, bus and taxi drivers are experts in driving. 
If they can prove they are working as driers, retest would be unnecessary and it could a waste time and money.
>> If they can prove that they are working as drivers, a retest would be unnecessary and it could be a waste time and money.
Secondly, people do not want to take driving test anymore. 
>> Secondly, people do not want to take the driving test anymore. 
If people have to retake the test, they would not take the original test at all. 
>> Correct
This is because nobody like retest again and again. 
>> This is because nobody likes taking retests.
In conclusion, it is really a good idea for security for everyone. 
>> In conclusion, it is really a good idea for everyone\'s safety.
However, I think that it is better to take the test for few times, not forever until he/she died. 
>> However, I think that it is better to take the test a few times and not without limit.
Therefore if we need the test, we should concern the both sides of retaking driving test.
>> Therefore if we need the test, we should be concerned with both sides of retaking the driving test.

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