Rich countries and Poor countries
학생이 쓴 원문
I wrote too much.... hmm it is difficult to control myself.. hahaha,,,,, I will reduce next time.
강사 첨삭
Hello Ye [이름]!
The insight that you have expressed here is quite impressive.
Consider the suggestions that I have included below.
The aim was to simplify and keep your thoughts organized.
I hope you appreciate them and apply them in your future work.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Many scholars divide the whole countries into two, rich countries and poor countries, by economic ideology.
>> Many scholars divide all of the countries into two, rich countries and poor countries, by economic ideology.
They
also call these countries to developed countries and developing countries.
>> They also call these countries developed and developing countries.
Many people try to find the reason why their
economic levels are different and have an economic gap.
>> Many people try to find the reason why their economic levels are different and why they have an economic gap.
Moreover, the reason why the gap is getting bigger than
before.
>> Moreover, they also want to know the reason why the gap is getting bigger than before.
Therefore, people are looking for the solutions for poor countries.
>> Correct
This essay will discuss the reasons why the
gap is getting bigger and the solutions as well.
>> Correct
The biggest reason why an economic gap between rich countries and poor countries is increasing is that we have
chosen Capitalism system.
>> The biggest reason why an economic gap between rich countries and poor countries is widening is that we have chosen Capitalism system.
In Capitalism, this is very natural situation making bigger an economic gap.
>> In Capitalism, it is very natural for the economic gap to become bigger.
This is because
the rich can earn more money than the poor and it is easy for the rich to earn more money than the poor.
>> This is because the rich can earn more money than the poor and it is easier for the former to earn more money than the latter.
For instance,
if two people invest different amount of money to a company, they will get different amount of income by the amount
of money, $500 will be $1,000 and $100 will be $200.
>> For instance, if two people invest different amounts of money on a company, they will get different amounts of income depending on the amount of money.
$500 will be $1,000 and $100 will be $200.
>> Correct
Secondly, rich countries want to keep their position in the
world.
>> Correct
Rich countries afraid that they can lose their position and money if poor countries get rich.
>> Rich countries are afraid that they would lose their position and money if poor countries become rich.
For instance, rich
countries want to use cheap labor in poor countries for their benefits.
>> Correct
However, if poor countries get rich and the price
of labor is increased, rich countries will lose the benefits.
>> However, if poor countries become rich and the price of labor is increased, rich countries will lose the benefits.
They do not want this situation and so, they try to control
the world to what they want.
>> They do not want this situation and so, they try to control the world to get what they want.
The solution of this is that poor countries should invest their main source in their countries such as low materials.
>> The solution of this is that poor countries should invest their main source in their countries such as raw materials.
If
they do not have low materials in countries, they should try to learn IT from other countries.
>> If they do not have raw materials in their countries, they should try to learn IT from other countries.
For instance, South Korea
was very poor after the war in 1950, however, after than they developed manufacturing boat industry to export to other
countries.
>> For instance, South Korea was very poor after the war in 1950, however, after that, they developed the manufacturing boat industry to export to other countries.
Secondly, rich countries should help poor countries.
>> Correct
Nowadays, rich countries try to give supporting and
donation to poor countries but it has some conditions.
>> Nowadays, rich countries try to give support and donation to poor countries but with some conditions.
Therefore, even though developing countries have money, they
cannot do what they want.
>> Correct
Rich countries should give freedom to poor countries to use the contributions for them.
>> Rich countries should give freedom to poor countries to use the contributions made to them.
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