rights

2021-12-28 · 첨삭 강사 Aki

학생이 쓴 원문

It is one of the problem in Korea society that many people are claiming only their rights with neglecting their duties. Some people enjoy their leave too selfish ways, as a result burden others, specially in school organization. I agree that gebder- equal labor at home. And we should have reasonable gender sensibility. In addition to pateral leave, we are supporting in many ways in parenting. Female teachers takes 2 hours break time everyday. She goes home 2 hours early everyday. After giving birth, she takes 2 hours break time for 2 years. But such as welfares are only possble to public sevants as teachers and big companies.

강사 첨삭

Good afternoon Ms. [이름]!
Well done doing your homework! You were able to convey your message through writing :) Keep it up!
~T. Aki :)
It is one of the problem in Korea society that many people are claiming only their rights with neglecting their duties.
>>> It is one of the problems in Korean society that many people are claiming only their rights with neglecting their duties.
Some people enjoy their leave too selfish ways, as a result burden others, specially in school organization.
>>> Some people enjoy their leave in too selfish ways, as a result, they burden others, especially in school organizations.
I agree that gebder- equal labor at home.
>>> I agree that gender equality should be observed at home.
And we should have reasonable gender sensibility.
>>> CORRECT!
In addition to pateral leave, we are supporting in many ways in parenting.
>>> In addition to paternal leave, we are supporting parenting in many ways.
Female teachers takes 2 hours break time everyday. She goes home 2 hours early everyday.
>>> Female teachers take 2 hours break time every day. She goes home 2 hours early every day.
>>> Female teachers are given two hours break time every day and go home two hours earlier.
After giving birth, she takes 2 hours break time for 2 years.
>>> After giving birth, she is given two hours break time for two years.
But such as welfares are only possble to public sevants as teachers and big companies.
>>> But such welfares and policies are only possible to public servants like the teachers and big companies.

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