Risen

2016-05-13 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

The hero in the movie orders his soldier to kill all rebel forces. His personality seems to be very crude and ambitious. After the battle, He is summoned by Pilate who gave Jesus death sentence. He gives him order to arrange the crucifizion of Jesus. When he arrive there, Jesus already died and earthquake and eclipse happen. He confirm his death and give a solider order to trust his lance into Jesus side. And he check and confirm every precess of the burial of Jesus. He block Jesus tomb by heavy stone and seal a tomb by himself with his soldiers. By the way, He is summoned by Pilate again and is heard shocked news. The body of Jesus was stolen and the rumor that Jesus is risen is being spreaded all through town. He is reprimanded severly and called for fine the body of Jesus. This movie that I watched was contain the story of the Roman captain whoes character is very crude and ambitious. He finally meets Jesus and sees his alive and his miracle and start believing him after a lot of events.

강사 첨삭

The hero in the movie orders his soldier to kill all rebel forces. >> The hero in the movie ordered his soldier to kill all rebel forces. His personality seems to be very crude and ambitious. >> CORRECT! OR >> He seemed to have a very crude and ambitious nature.After the battle, He is summoned by Pilate who gave Jesus death sentence. >> After the battle, he was summoned by Pilate who gave Jesus\' death sentence. OR >> After the battle, he was summoned by Pilate, the man who gave Jesus\' death sentence.He gives him order to arrange the crucifizion of Jesus. >> He gave him the order to arrange the crucifixion of Jesus. OR >> He was ordered to arrange the crucifixion of Jesus.When he arrive there, Jesus already died and earthquake and eclipse happen. >> When he arrived there, Jesus already died and an earthquake and eclipse happened. OR >> When he arrived to the place where Jesus was crucified, Jesus was already dead and an earthquake and eclipse took place soon after his death.He confirm his death and give a solider order to trust his lance into Jesus side.>> He confirmed his death and gave his solider the order to thrust his lance into Jesus side.And he check and confirm every precess of the burial of Jesus. >> He checked and confirmed every precess of the burial of Jesus. OR >> He checked and confirmed every precess of Jesus\' burial.He block Jesus tomb by heavy stone and seal a tomb by himself with his soldiers. >> He blocked Jesus\' tomb with a heavy stone and sealed it himself together with his soldiers.By the way, He is summoned by Pilate again and is heard shocked news.>> By the way, he was once again summoned by Pilate and received a shocking news.The body of Jesus was stolen and the rumor that Jesus is risen is being spreaded all through town. >> The body of Jesus was stolen and the rumor that Jesus has risen was being spread all throughout the town. He is reprimanded severly and called for fine the body of Jesus.>> He was severely reprimanded and was ordered to find the body of Jesus.This movie that I watched was contain the story of the Roman captain whoes character is very crude and ambitious. >> This movie that I watched contained the story of a Roman captain whose character was very crude and ambitious. OR >> This movie that I watched contained the story of a Roman captain who had a very crude and ambitious character.He finally meets Jesus and sees his alive and his miracle and start believing him after a lot of events. >> Before the story ended, he finally met Jesus and saw that he is alive. He witnessed his miracles and started believing in him after a lot of events.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

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