Secondary exam
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you for your feedback always :)
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Thank you for your efforts today.
Take note of the changes made below.
Follow correct patterns and sentence structure.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
This bar chart illustrates how many percentage of boys and girls passed their secondary school GCSE exams
with seven subjects.
>> This bar chart illustrates the percentage of boys and girls who passed their secondary school GCSE exams in seven subjects.
It show clearly the difference of the percentages by gender in the different subjects.
>> It clearly shows the difference of the percentages by gender in the different subjects.
Generally, girl students accounted for higher percentages in the most of the subjects than boy students.
>> Generally, female students accounted for higher percentages in most of the subjects than male students.
Especially, the two subjects, Chemistry and Computer science,
>> This is especially true in two subjects which are Chemistry and Computer Science.
show the big differences more than 10 percentages between girls and boys.
>> There is a big difference which is more than 10 percent between girls and boys.
However, there were small gaps between both genders in Physics,
History, Foreign languages and Mathematics.
>> Correct
Geography was the only one subject which had the high
proportion by boys than girls.
>> Geography was the only subject where boys had a higher proportion than girls.
Boys accounted for 30.4 percentage, while girls were 20.1 percentage.
>> Correct
In this graph, people can see that girls were strong in many subjects, however, boys were strong in the only
one subjects.
>> In this graph, people can see that girls were strong in many subjects, however, boys were strong in one subject.
However, there were not differences in terms of genders in the half of the subjects.
>> However, there were no differences in terms of genders in half of the subjects.
Moreover, both gender students highly passed the three subjects (Foreign languages, Mathematics and Computer
science),
>> Moreover, students of both genders passed the three subjects (Foreign languages, Mathematics and Computer science) at a higher percentage.
while lower percentage of students could managed the other four subjects than previous three.
>> A lower percentage of students could manage the other four subjects compared to the previous three.
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