Self Introduction

2023-08-11 · 첨삭 강사 Faith

학생이 쓴 원문

Self Introduction HI, My name is [Name]-A, Park and you can call me Julia. I turned 52 this year and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city sinc 2005 with my family. There are four member in my family. My husband, one daughter, one son and me. I grauated from Joongbu graduate school majoring in career consulting. I have been working for twenty years in a global company. I am in charge of personal management. And I have lots of hand-on backgraound in the field. I\'m outgoing and bright. So I like to meet many people to share my thought, activity, and moods with them. I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden knowledge I especially like hiking lots of mountain around the country. so I am able to be relaxed when I top of the mountain because I get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery. MY motto is no pain no gain. I guess that\'s all I appreciate your listening.

강사 첨삭

Well done for your introduction, Julia! You show good understanding on how to do an introduction. Keep it up!-Faith-
HI, 
>> Hi!
My name is [Name]-A, Park and you can call me Julia.
>> My name is [Name]-A Park and you can call me Julia.
I turned 52 this year and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city sinc 2005 with my family.
>> I turned 52 this year, and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city since 2005 with my family.
There are four member in my family. My husband, one daughter, one son and me.
>> There are four members in my family - my husband, one daughter, one son, and me.
I grauated from Joongbu graduate school majoring in career consulting.
>> I graduated from Joongbu Graduate School majoring in career consulting.
I have been working for twenty years in a global company.
>> CORRECT
I am in charge of personal management. And I have lots of hand-on backgraound in the field.
>> I am in charge of personal management, and I have much hands-on background in the field.
I\'m outgoing and bright. So I like to meet many people to share my thought, 
activity, and moods with them.
>> I\'m outgoing and bright, so I like to meet many people to share my thoughts, activities, and moods with them.
I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden knowledge
>> I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden my knowledge.
I especially like hiking lots of mountain around the country.
>> I especially like hiking to see the mountains around the country.
so I am able to be relaxed when I top of the mountain because I get some fresh air 
and I can see a beautiful scenery.
>> By doing so,  I am able to relax when I am on top of the mountain because I can get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery.
MY motto is no pain no gain. 
>> My motto is no pain no gain. 
I guess that\'s all I appreciate your listening.
>> I guess that\'s all I appreciate you listening to me.

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