Self Introduction
학생이 쓴 원문
Self Introduction
HI, My name is [Name]-A, Park and you can call me Julia.
I turned 52 this year and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city sinc 2005 with my family.
There are four member in my family. My husband, one daughter, one son and me.
I grauated from Joongbu graduate school majoring in career consulting.
I have been working for twenty years in a global company.
I am in charge of personal management. And I have lots of hand-on backgraound in the field.
I\'m outgoing and bright. So I like to meet many people to share my thought,
activity, and moods with them.
I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden knowledge
I especially like hiking lots of mountain around the country.
so I am able to be relaxed when I top of the mountain because I get some fresh air
and I can see a beautiful scenery.
MY motto is no pain no gain. I guess that\'s all
I appreciate your listening.
강사 첨삭
Well done for your introduction, Julia! You show good understanding on how to do an introduction. Keep it up!-Faith-
HI, >> Hi!
My name is [Name]-A, Park and you can call me Julia.
>> My name is [Name]-A Park and you can call me Julia.
I turned 52 this year and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city sinc 2005 with my family.
I turned 52 this year and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city sinc 2005 with my family.
>> I turned 52 this year, and I\'ve lived in Hwaseong city since 2005 with my family.
There are four member in my family. My husband, one daughter, one son and me.
There are four member in my family. My husband, one daughter, one son and me.
>> There are four members in my family - my husband, one daughter, one son, and me.
I grauated from Joongbu graduate school majoring in career consulting.
I grauated from Joongbu graduate school majoring in career consulting.
>> I graduated from Joongbu Graduate School majoring in career consulting.
I have been working for twenty years in a global company.
I have been working for twenty years in a global company.
>> CORRECT
I am in charge of personal management. And I have lots of hand-on backgraound in the field.
I am in charge of personal management. And I have lots of hand-on backgraound in the field.
>> I am in charge of personal management, and I have much hands-on background in the field.
I\'m outgoing and bright. So I like to meet many people to share my thought, activity, and moods with them.
>> I\'m outgoing and bright, so I like to meet many people to share my thoughts, activities, and moods with them.
I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden knowledge
I\'m outgoing and bright. So I like to meet many people to share my thought, activity, and moods with them.
>> I\'m outgoing and bright, so I like to meet many people to share my thoughts, activities, and moods with them.
I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden knowledge
>> I usually do many things because it is a good idea to broaden my knowledge.
I especially like hiking lots of mountain around the country.
I especially like hiking lots of mountain around the country.
>> I especially like hiking to see the mountains around the country.
so I am able to be relaxed when I top of the mountain because I get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery.
>> By doing so, I am able to relax when I am on top of the mountain because I can get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery.
MY motto is no pain no gain.
so I am able to be relaxed when I top of the mountain because I get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery.
>> By doing so, I am able to relax when I am on top of the mountain because I can get some fresh air and I can see a beautiful scenery.
MY motto is no pain no gain.
>> My motto is no pain no gain.
I guess that\'s all I appreciate your listening.
>> I guess that\'s all I appreciate you listening to me.
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