Shame goal
학생이 쓴 원문
In my country, even if all men has a duty of military, There is a way to replace this duty to work in small-company(possible only who got a master degree)or take doctor degree for almost 3years. At first I blindly choose getting master degree to avoid military service duty. So I achieved to enter the best college in korea. Sometimes I feel sorry to myself when I think where I walk on is made from that fact. Anyway I made a decision myself So I would try harder not to remain regret.
강사 첨삭
Hi John!
The expressions you used in the composition are a little vague.
I might ask you about them during our class.
I don\'t have a clear idea of what the main topic of your work is.
Try to improve the way you present your ideas.
Organization is the key.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
In my country, even if all men has a duty of military,
>> In my country, even if all men have the duty to render military service, there could be a way around it.
There is a way to replace this duty to work in small-company(possible only who got a master degree)or take doctor degree for almost 3years.
>> A man could work in a small company if he has a Master\' degree or try to get a doctorate degree for almost three years.
At first I blindly choose getting master degree to avoid military service duty.
>> At first, I blindly chose to get a masters degree to avoid military service duty.
So I achieved to enter the best college in korea.
>> That\'s why I wanted to attend the best college in Korea.
Sometimes I feel sorry to myself when I think where I walk on is made from that fact.
>> Sometimes, I feel sorry when I think of what made me pursue that goal in the first place.
Anyway I made a decision myself
>> Anyways, I made that decision myself.
So I would try harder not to remain regret.
>> That\'s why I\'ll try harder not to have any regrets.
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