Shanghai

2017-01-11 · 첨삭 강사 Megan

학생이 쓴 원문

Shanghai is one of my memorable city since I had lived there to study chinese for 6 months. I got an internship at the e-commerce company, managed by Korean CEO. I've experienced very much that I transferred team twice just 6 months. my first job is to pack cosmetics item at the storage center in the surburb of shanghai. it takes 1 hours to reach there from my dormitory in the university. and the center is so old and dirty. but I learned that logistic would be in the front line to face to face with customer. there are many complaints such as asking refund for scratched item and crushed packing from customers. and two months later, I was in charge of marketing after I return back to headquarter. it's exciting job to plan how to attract customer. In the end, I was at the advertisement division, and I mainly interviewed colleague to explain to our customer what we do simple.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience in Shanghai. It\'s great to hear that you\'ve learned a lot of things during your stay on that place. I hope I can visit shanghai someday too. ^_^

REMEMBER:
Sequence Adverbs describe a process or procedures about how something is made or how something happens.
We use the sequence adverbs \"first\", \"next\", \"then\" and \"finally\" to describe the order in which two or more actions happen.

We use a comma after \"first\", \"next\", \"then\" and \"finally\" when they introduce the sentence that describes the action.
\"first\": for an action that happens before any others. We can also use \"first\" at the end of the sentence.\"I have a lot of work to do. First, I will make a cup of tea.\"\"I will make a cup of tea first.\"
\"next\" and \"then\" can both be used for an action that happens after another action but we usually use:\"next\": for an action that happens immediately after another action, or as soon as possible. We can also use \"next\" at the end of the sentence.\"I went to Bolivia on holiday. \"Next\", I want to go to Brazil.\"\"I’m eating breakfast now. I will clean the kitchen \"next\".\"
\"then\": for an action that happens after another action if it’s not immediate. We can use \"and then\" without a comma.\"Sarah is doing her degree. Then, she wants to be a lawyer.\"
Sarah will probably not be a lawyer immediately after she gets her degree.\"They went shopping in the morning and then they went to the zoo.\"
We don’t know if they went to the zoo immediately after they went shopping.
\"finally\": for the action that happens at the end, after any others, or after a long time. We can use \"finally\" before the verb without a comma.\"I worked all evening. Finally, I went to bed at 11pm.\"\"I worked all evening and I finally went to bed at 11pm.\"\"After five years, I finally sold the house.\"

~Teacher Megan~

HERE ARE MY CORRECTIONS:

Shanghai is one of my memorable city since I had lived there to study chinese for 6 months.
>> Shanghai is one of the most memorable city I had lived in. I stayed there to study Chinese for 6 months.

I got an internship at the e-commerce company, managed by a Korean CEO.
>> Correct.

I\'ve experienced very much that I transferred team twice just 6 months.
>> I\'ve experienced a lot since I was transferred twice in just 6 months.

My first job is to pack cosmetics item at the storage center in the surburb of Shanghai.
>> Correct.

it takes 1 hours to reach there from my dormitory in the university. and the center is so old and dirty.
>> It takes an hour to reach the center from my university dormitory and the center is so old and dirty.

but I learned that logistic would be in the front line to face to face with customer.
>>  but I learned that logistic would be in the front line, face to face with the customer.

there are many complaints such as asking refund for scratched item and crushed packing from customers.
>> Correct.

and two months later, I was in charge of marketing after I return back to headquarter.
>>  Correct.

it\'s exciting job to plan how to attract customer.
>> It\'s an exciting job to plan how to attract customers.

In the end, I was at the advertisement division, and I mainly interviewed colleague to explain to our customer what we do simple.
>>   In the end, I was transferred at the advertisement division, and I mainly interviewed colleagues and explain to them how we deal with our customers.

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