Should a person’s past always affect their future opportunities? Why or why not?
학생이 쓴 원문
I believe that person’s past should not affect their future opportunities. This is because there is always a possibility of improvement and rehabilitation. In this sense, I oppose recent decision from national universities to cancel the admission of the student with record of school violence. First, I always doubt the honesty and validity of these records. This is because I have seen many cases where the decisions made by most school violence committees are misleading and biased. In past many teachers tended to favor students with good grades because university entrance rate is one of their KPI. Also, there is a concern about the false confession from fellow classmates. Alongside this, I believe that hindering rehabilitation opportunities will make individuals devious. According to the research, many criminals tend to commit crime again if there is lack of opportunities. Therefore, society must give these people a second chance to become independent.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this, Aciel!
I believe that person’s past should not affect their future opportunities. This is because there is always a possibility of improvement and rehabilitation.
>>> I believe that a person’s past should not affect their future opportunities because there is always a possibility for improvement and rehabilitation.
In this sense, I oppose recent decision from national universities to cancel the admission of the student with record of school violence.
>>> In this sense, I oppose the recent decision by national universities to cancel the admission of students with records of school violence.
First, I always doubt the honesty and validity of these records.
>>> correct
This is because I have seen many cases where the decisions made by most school violence committees are misleading and biased.
>>> correct
In past many teachers tended to favor students with good grades because university entrance rate is one of their KPI.
>>> In the past, many teachers tended to favor students with good grades because university entrance rates were one of their key performance indicators (KPIs).
Also, there is a concern about the false confession from fellow classmates.
>>> correct
>>> OR: There is also concern about false confessions from classmates.
Alongside this, I believe that hindering rehabilitation opportunities will make individuals devious.
>>> correct
>>> OR: Moreover, I believe that limiting rehabilitation opportunities may make individuals more likely to become devious.
According to the research, many criminals tend to commit crime again if there is lack of opportunities.
>>> OR: Research shows that many criminals tend to reoffend when they lack opportunities for reform.
Therefore, society must give these people a second chance to become independent.
>>> correct
>>> OR :Therefore, society must give these people a second chance to become independent and responsible members of the community.
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