Should people sho download music and movies illigally be punished?

Hi there, [이름]!

Thanks for doing your homework.

I couldn\'t agree more with what you said here.

Please take note of the proper spelling of the word \"illegally\".

Try to proofread your writing before submitting it to avoid typos and misspelled words. :)

Check my grammar corrections here.

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~Teacher Marie~ ^^

Some people said that people who download music and movies illigally should be punished.

>> CORRECT!

>> illegally

However, I think that people who download music and movies illigally should be punished for two reasons.

>> I also think they should be punished for two reasons.

OR:
>> There are two reasons why I think they should be punished.

First of all, when musicians and movie makers make musics and movies, they put a lot of their efforts into creative works.

>> First of all, when musicians and moviemakers make music and movies, they put a lot of effort and creativity into it.

That is stressful work.

>> CORRECT!

That is why we should pay money for their effort and hard work.

>> CORRECT!

Second, when musicians and movie makers make their creative work, it is stressful and working hard.

>> Second, the work that they do is stressful and hard.

If they could not get money, they feel their materpieces are useless.

>> If they could not get money from that, they would feel like their masterpiece is worthless.

That situation makes the art world depress.

>> That situation is depressing for artists.
 As a student studying international relations and a person living in South Korea. I always pay attention to this kind of news.

>> As a student studying International Relations and a person living in South Korea, I always pay attention to this kind of news.

I like to materialize all the things about how does the situation impact to our politics in South korea and what can South korea government step the next between relationships with U.S and China.

>> I like to contemplate about how the situation impacts South Korean politics and what our government\'s next step is in making our relationship with the U.S. and China better.

By anlayzing this kind of situations, I can learn more and let people explain the specific things to people who does not know the situation./

>> By analyzing this situation, I can learn more and explain it in detail to those who do not know.

Sometimes, I am sick of hearing news about the DPRK.

>> CORRECT!

Recent years DPRK has provoken many times using missles and a nuclear test towards U.S, Japan and South Korea.

>> In recent years, the DPRK has provoked the U.S., Japan, and South Korea many times by using their missiles and launching nuclear tests.

However, I got used to it this dangerous situation.

>> However, I am used to this dangerous situation now.