Small businesses and the young women
학생이 쓴 원문
I know I always have many questions in the class. I always appreciate to you for listening kindly.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
The expressions used in this composition need work.
The idea was correct and you answered the question well.
However, you need to focus on the organization of your thoughts to make it easier to understand.
Please review and ask your questions during the class.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
These days, the many owners who have small business are having difficulties because of employment issue.
>> These days, many owners of small businesses are having difficulties because of employment issues.
When
the owners hire people, the employees stop working and use leave day suddenly.
>> When the owners hire people, these employees would either quit their jobs or suddenly use their leave benefits.
It brings negative effects to the
owners.
>> This brings negative effects on the owners.
The owners should spend a lot of cost for hiring again.
>> The owners would spend a lot to hire new people.
Therefore, there is the view that small business should
avoid recruiting young women who has possibility to use maternity leave.
>> Therefore, there is the view that small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who could possibly use maternity leave.
This essay will discuss whether the
employer hire the young woman or not and I would express my opinion as well.
>> This essay will discuss whether the employer should hire young women or not and I would express my opinion as well.
As the side of the employer of the young woman who would have baby and use maternity leave, the loss is big.
>> On the side of the employer, there would be big losses if young female employees would get pregnant and use their maternity leave.
The
huge companies can apply those social services and support the young women without damages but it is not simple to
the owners who have small scare business.
>> Huge companies can apply those social services and support young women without incurring damages but it is not simple for the owners who have small-scale businesses.
Therefore, it lead the owners to avoid recruiting the young women.
>> Therefore, it leads owners to avoid recruiting young women.
However, there are people who insist the owners’ attitude are sexual discrimination.
>> However, there are people who insist that this practice of some owners equals to sexual discrimination.
The people believe that if the
owners do not hire the young women, they cannot have chances for getting jobs by the reason of woman.
>> These people believe that if the owners do not hire young women, they would have less chances of getting jobs just because they are women.
I think the both opinions are very acceptable reasons in society.
>> I think that both opinions have merit.
The both sides need help and support.
>> Both sides need help and support.
To solve this
problem, I think the government should make a good policy for them.
>> To solve this problem, I think the government should make a good policy for all parties.
The government give subsidy or incentive to
the owners of small business who hire the women.
>> The government can give subsidy or incentive to the owners of small businesses who hire women.
Therefore, they can recruit the young women and the women can
have jobs.
>> Therefore, they can recruit young women and the women can have jobs.
In conclusion, people have to live with harmony but it is true that there are many challenges for live together.
>> In conclusion, people have to live in harmony but it is true that there are many challenges in living together.
Therefore, the government should think the way for harmony and make the policy for people.
>> Therefore, the government should think of a way to establish harmony and come up with good policies for the public.
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