Some argued that the bears were only acting as any wild animal would, proposing the only solution to

2020-10-27 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

A bear\'s one of the animals which can make us terrify enough and kill us anytime if we were facing each other. It\'s been proved by the recent accident of a bear attack at the Shanghai Wildlife Park. If the bear had been watched from outside of pence, the accident would have not happened because as long as tourists did not jump over the pence, the bear assumed his/her territory was safe. The problem is his/her territory is being invaded by tourists on a bus or in a car. The vehicle has a special equipment to protect somebody inside, but if a herd of bears got stressed and aggressive, the equipment would be useless, but we know that we have to protect them from extinction, living in the world dominated by us is in danger. In my opinion, no invading their area in a zoo is the only way to stop them attacking people. They need be given a wide space to roam around in a zoo, but they should be watched by remote cameras or binoculars in a long distance, like we want to keep our house in safe.

강사 첨삭

Hi there, [이름]!

Here\'s your homework!

Cheers,
Jean~~



A bear\'s one of the animals which can make us terrify enough and kill us anytime if we were facing each other. 
>> A bear\'s one of the animals which could make us terrified enough and kill us anytime if we encountered each other. 

It\'s been proved by the recent accident of a bear attack at the Shanghai Wildlife Park. 
>> This has been proved by the recent bear attack at the Shanghai Wildlife Park. 

If the bear had been watched from outside of pence, the accident would have not happened because as long as tourists did not jump over the pence, the bear assumed his/her territory was safe. 
>> If the visitors just stayed outside the fence, the accident would not have occurred because as long as tourists don\'t do anything that might make the bear feel threatened, such as jumping over the fence, this massive mammal would feel safe in its territory. 

The problem is his/her territory is being invaded by tourists on a bus or in a car. 
>> or: Wildlife tourism is the real problem here as people cause significant disturbances to animals in their territories. When tourists on buses or in cars encroach upon the habitats of these wild animals, it may frighten the latter. 

The vehicle has a special equipment to protect somebody inside, but if a herd of bears got stressed and aggressive, the equipment would be useless, but we know that we have to protect them from extinction, living in the world dominated by us is in danger. 
>> Although the vehicles used have special equipment to protect the people inside, if a sloth got stressed and becomes aggressive, the said tools would be useless. Protecting wildlife living in the world dominated by humans and from extinction is paramount to the maintenance of healthy ecosystems. 

In my opinion, no invading their area in a zoo is the only way to stop them attacking people.
>> To my way of thinking, leaving them be in their designated homes is the only way to stop them from attacking people. 

 They need be given a wide space to roam around in a zoo, but they should be watched by remote cameras or binoculars in a long distance, like we want to keep our house in safe.
>> The size of the animals\' home range in the zoo should be big enough to let them roam far and wide. Having said that, zookeepers and CCTVs are still very much needed to keep both wildlife and humans safe. 

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