Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high
학생이 쓴 원문
We have two major social problem. One is aging society and the other one is lack of job for young people. Population of old people is getting increase and job vacancy is not enough for people who want to get a job. If companies encourage old people to retire, family of them might have hard time because of financial problem. Our country has national pension system but the amount of pension is not enough to maintain normal life. Furthermore,the national pension fund is in danger of being exhausted. It cause that young generation have to pay more tax for elderly. However, most of them can\'t get a job these days. The government has been carrying out various policy and reform a bill in national assembly, but we did not find any good way to solve this problem. Our country try to change our fundamental system by discussing issues that we are with citizens. We want to have advanced welfare nation like northern Europe. For it, people have to be interested in politics and nation wide disscussio
강사 첨삭
Hi Sir Mr. [이름]~! ^^ It\'s Monday! I hope you were refreshed from your weekend! Thanks for doing your essay. Keep it up~
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
We have two major social problems.
>>> CORRECT
One is aging society and the other one is lack of job for young people.
>>> One is the aging society and the other one is young people\'s unemployment.
Population of old people is getting increase and job vacancy is not enough for people who want to get a job.
>>> The population of old people is increasing and job vacancies are not enough for people who want to get a job.
If companies encourage old people to retire, family of them might have hard time because of financial problem.
>>> If companies force old people to retire, their family might have a hard time because of financial problems.
Our country has national pension system but the amount of pension is not enough to manage a normal life.
>>> CORRECT
Furthermore,the national pension fund is in danger of being exhausted.
>>> CORRECT
It cause that young generation have to pay more tax for elderly.
>>> It is causing the young generation to pay more tax for the elderly.
However, most of them can\'t get a job these days.
>>> CORRECT
The government has been carrying out various policy and reform a bill in national assembly, but we did not find any good way to solve this problem.
>>> The government has been carrying out various polices and reforms a bill in national assembly, but we did not find any good ways to solve this problem.
Our country try to change our fundamental system by discussing issues that we are with citizens.
>>> Our country tries to change our fundamental system by discussing issues related with citizens.
We want to have an advanced welfare nation like northern Europe.
>>> CORRECT
For it, people have to be interested in politics and nationwide discussion.
>>> CORRECT
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