Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for s
학생이 쓴 원문
Many people follows the norm that society focuses on.
A society emphasizes group activities and cooperation with other people. It sometimes requires us to sacrifice for a group.
People who acts based on the society\'s perspective will be totally useful as office workers for companies.
However, many office workers struggle with mental health problems nowadays.
I think the education that disregards individuals caused these problems.
A child who has been studying things for a society forgets their interests and the parts they have ambition.
They should learn to think who they are and what they are good at.
강사 첨삭
Good afternoon, [이름]! Thank you so much for sharing your essay. It’s clear that you put a lot of effort into organizing your thoughts in a way that flows smoothly. I think your perspective is engaging, and I enjoyed reading how you developed your points. Great job, and I wish you a wonderful weekend!
A society emphasizes group activities and cooperation with other people. It sometimes requires us to sacrifice for a group.
People who act based on the society\'s perspective will be totally useful as office workers for companies.
However, many office workers struggle with mental health problems nowadays.
I think the education that disregards individuals caused these problems.
A child who has been studying things for a society forgets their interests and the parts they have ambition.
They should learn to think who they are and what they are good at.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for...
Many people follows the norm that society focuses on.
>>> Many people follow the norms that society emphasizes.
A society emphasizes group activities and cooperation with other people. It sometimes requires us to sacrifice for a group.
OR>>> Society often values group activities and cooperation, sometimes even requiring individuals to make sacrifices for the group.
People who act based on the society\'s perspective will be totally useful as office workers for companies.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, many office workers struggle with mental health problems nowadays.
OR>>> However, many office workers today struggle with mental health problems.
I think the education that disregards individuals caused these problems.
>>> I believe that education systems that disregard the individuality of students contribute to these issues.
A child who has been studying things for a society forgets their interests and the parts they have ambition.
>>> Children who are taught only to study what society expects may lose sight of their own interests and ambitions.
They should learn to think who they are and what they are good at.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Instead, education should help students understand who they are and what they are good at.
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