Some people like jobs that involve a lot of activities outside the office. Other people would rather

2015-06-23 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

I like a job that requires workings in the office rather than working outside. I am quite good at analyzing, planning, and developing strategies and action plans to resolve problems. I pay great attention to details and hold myself accountable for what I do. Once I start something, I devote myself fully to finish it because I can’t tolerate something remains incomplete. I never give up. I am a hard worker. In addition, I prefer to work independently rather than working in a team. I am a self-starter and can manage my tasks without big support or guidance from others. However, I do not like extremes. Sitting in front of a computer and using a brain all day will make me exhausted and cause a lot of physical problems. It will be nice to mix it up. So, even if we have a desk job, we need to stand up and stretch our body every hour or hour and half. Actually I am still suffering from lumbar disc disease that I had because I used to work 4 to 5 hours straight sitting at a desk.

강사 첨삭

Hello there Sir [이름] ^^
Thank you so much for allotting some time to do your essay. 
Me too! Hihihihi. I prefer working in the office. 
I don\'t want my skin to turn dark. Hihihihi. Just kidding. ^^
I prefer staying in the office, I think I can\'t handle field work. 
How was your weekend?
Did you have something special with your family?
I am excited to have a class with you. 
Take care.
Teacher Nina







I like a job that requires workings in the office rather than working outside.
>> Better: I like a job that requires tasks in the office rather than working outside.
I am quite good at analyzing, planning, and developing strategies and action plans to resolve problems. 
>> correct
>> OR:  I am quite good at analyzing, planning, developing strategies and action plans to resolve problems. 
I pay great attention to details and hold myself accountable for what I do. 
>> correct
Once I start something, I devote myself fully to finish it because I can’t tolerate something remains incomplete. 
>> correct
I never give up. 
>> correct
I am a hard worker. 
>> correct
>> OR: I am a hardworking person. 
In addition, I prefer to work independently rather than working in a team. 
>> correct
I am a self-starter and can manage my tasks without big support or guidance from others. 
>> correct
>> OR: I am a self-starter and can manage my tasks without a lot of support or guidance from others. 
However, I do not like extremes. 
>> correct
Sitting in front of a computer and using a brain all day will make me exhausted and cause a lot of physical problems. 
>> Better: Sitting in front of a computer, using the brain all day will make me exhausted and cause a lot of physical problems. 
It will be nice to mix it up. 
>> correct
So, even if we have a desk job, we need to stand up and stretch our body every hour or hour and half. 
>> correct
Actually I am still suffering from lumbar disc disease that I had because I used to work 4 to 5 hours straight sitting at a desk.
>> Better: Actually, I am still suffering from lumbar disc disease that I had because I used to work 4 to 5 hours straight sitting on my desk. 

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