Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized
학생이 쓴 원문
Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place.
There are individuals who believe that keeping your places are important. In other words, you should organize and keep tidy everything at your home and work. From my point of view,
I totally agree with it. Because there are a verity advantages for it.
First of all, it is a significant way to keep your health and safety. According to a study in terms of workplace safety, messy environment could affect to occur accidents. For example, when you open a door of a shelf where everything was not organized properly, some of them might fall down and hurt you. In addition, keeping your places tidy help you keep your physical well-being from contaminated things. Secondly, organizing your stuff affects saving your money and time. You might have the experience like that you hadn’t found your item which you need and you bought it again as a result.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ms. [이름]!
Here are my corrections.
There are individuals who believe that keeping your places are important. In other words, you should organize and keep tidy everything at your home and work.
>>There are individuals who believe that keeping your places tidy is important. In other words, you should organize and keep everything tidy at your home and work.
From my point of view, I totally agree with it. Because there are a verity advantages for it.
>>Correct!
First of all, it is a significant way to keep your health and safety. According to a study in terms of workplace safety, messy environment could affect to occur accidents.
>>First of all, it is a significant way to keep your health and safety. According to a study, in terms of workplace safety, messy environment could cause accidents.
For example, when you open a door of a shelf where everything was not organized properly, some of them might fall down and hurt you.
>>Correct!
In addition, keeping your places tidy help you keep your physical well-being from contaminated things. Secondly, organizing your stuff affects saving your money and time.
>>In addition, keeping your places tidy helps you keep your physical well-being from contaminated things. Secondly, organizing your stuffs can saves your money and time.
You might have the experience like that you hadn’t found your item which you need and you bought it again as a result.
>>You might have the experience like you hadn’t found your item which you need and you bought it again as a result.
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