Some people say that \"money makes the world go around.\" Do you agree? Why or why not?
학생이 쓴 원문
There are two sides to Money; bad and good effects. To live a life, money is a must, and also money can be a monster. To gain social services and goods for life, we use money as means. It means we cannot get anything without money. When we buy and sell using money as means, we struggle to get money. It leads to making social nets, makes the world go around. For example, farmers produce crops and then sell them to buy the TV. Technicians make TV to buy products and retailers sell them to save money at the bank for the future. Likewise, social activities are interconnected, and money is like oil to circulate the net. In contrast, when we share the money equally, we are satisfied with our possession, but we are allowed to have more, we try to have as many as possible. In this case, money is changed into a monster because we forget for a moment that humans value over money. That’s why we need to be wise and altruistic in terms of money.
강사 첨삭
Hi, Miss [이름]!
WOW! I\'m pretty amazed by this thought. You are indeed right!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and answering the question.
====================================================
There are two sides to Money; bad and good effects.
>> Correct!
To live a life, money is a must, and also money can be a monster.
>> Correct!
To gain social services and goods for life, we use money as means.
>> Correct!
It means we cannot get anything without money.
>> Correct!
When we buy and sell using money as means, we struggle to get money.
>> Correct!
It leads to making social nets, makes the world go around.
>> Correct!
For example, farmers produce crops and then sell them to buy the TV.
>> Correct!
Technicians make TV to buy products and retailers sell them to save money at the bank for the future.
>> Correct!
Likewise, social activities are interconnected, and money is like oil to circulate the net.
>> Correct!
In contrast, when we share the money equally, we are satisfied with our possession, but we are allowed to have more, we try to have as many as possible.
>> Correct!
In this case, money is changed into a monster because we forget for a moment that humans value over money.
>> Correct!
That’s why we need to be wise and altruistic in terms of money.
>> Correct!
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.