: Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intellige
학생이 쓴 원문
Intelligence people are explained various shape by others. One of them suggests they are already genious from they born natually. By contrast, the other people say education and training can make genious. Firstly, people, which thinks that intelligence is innate, have some well-knows evidences like stories of Einnestein and Eddison. Both were quite different with normal children even they took education, that was not enought to make them to be a clever person. On the other hand, there are also some roots that brilliant people can make by education. For example, we can realise that people who read lots of books are more clever and wise than others. They can take remote experience and possible to thinking deeply. It seems to me both of them are possible and realistic. However, I think second opinion is more close to answer. Because I saw many situation people changed to wisely by studying and experiences.
강사 첨삭
Hi Jay!
Thank you for your composition today.
There were a lot of changes below so I need you to take note of each one.
Make sure to organize your thoughts more clearly.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Intelligence people are explained various shape by others.
>> People explain intelligence in different ways.
One of them suggests they are already genious from they born natually.
>> One of them suggests that people can be born a genius.
By contrast, the other people say education and training can make genious.
>> In contrast, other people say that education and training can turn people into a genius.
Firstly, people, which thinks that intelligence is innate, have some well-knows evidences like stories of Einnestein and Eddison.
>> Firstly, people who think that intelligence is inborn, depend on well-known stories like those of Einstein and Edison.
Both were quite different with normal children even they took education, that was not enought to make them to be a clever person.
>> Both were quite different from ordinary children even when they were still in school.
that was not enought to make them to be a clever person.
>> Education was not enough to make them clever people.
On the other hand, there are also some roots that brilliant people can make by education.
>> On the other hand, there are also some roots that brilliant people can plant by education.
For example, we can realise that people who read lots of books are more clever and wise than others.
>> For example, we can realize that people who read lots of books are more clever and wiser than others.
They can take remote experience and possible to thinking deeply.
>> They can take remote experiences and think deeply about them.
It seems to me both of them are possible and realistic.
>> It seems to me that both of them are possible and realistic.
However, I think second opinion is more close to answer.
>> However, I agree with the second opinion more.
Because I saw many situation people changed to wisely by studying and experiences.
>> This is because I saw many situations where people became wiser through study and experience.
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