Suddenly considering the age-conscious society and misogyny

2020-02-28 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

Most of the Korean women including myself often forgot the idea that is \'It\'s better to be late than do nothing\'. Korean society has a strong unspoken rule which is an age-conscious concept. However, those unspoken rule is more strictly applied to women. For example, in her 20s, she has to enter the university, select the major and get a job that fits her. In her 30s, she has to get married, raise a child but shouldn\'t neglect her career. When her 40s, she has to be a good mother, wife and make her exit for the other men in the same field whether she wants or not. It\'s rare to find women in a high position in a company or make her own field and struggle with. That\'s because of the common fear which is caused by a social atmosphere. We\'ve injected a huge pressure about getting old with mistakes. It makes women hesitating to start a unique journey. We should be more generous to ourselves. It\'s okay to make mistakes wherever you\'re in because It\'s better to be late than do nothing.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름] [이름]!
This could pass as a proper essay! I loved how you delivered this one. Keep it up!
~~Teacher Kate

Most of the Korean women including myself often forgot the idea that is \'It\'s better to be late than do nothing\'. 
>>Most Korean women, including myself, often forget the idea that  \'It\'s better to be late than do nothing\'. 
Korean society has a strong unspoken rule which is an age-conscious concept. 
>>CORRECT!
However, those unspoken rule is more strictly applied to women. 
>>However, that unspoken rule is more strictly applied to women. 
For example, in her 20s, she has to enter the university, select the major and get a job that fits her. 
>>CORRECT!
In her 30s, she has to get married, raise a child but shouldn\'t neglect her career. 
>>CORRECT!
When her 40s, she has to be a good mother, wife and make her exit for the other men in the same field whether she wants or not. 
>>When she reaches her 40s, she has to be a good mother, wife and make her exit for the other men in the same field whether she wants or not. 
It\'s rare to find women in a high position in a company or make her own field and struggle with.
>>It\'s rare to find women in a high position in a company or women who make their own field and struggle with it.
That\'s because of the common fear which is caused by a social atmosphere. 
>>CORRECT!
We\'ve injected a huge pressure about getting old with mistakes. 
>>We\'ve injected a huge pressure about getting old and making mistakes as they do. 
It makes women hesitating to start a unique journey. We should be more generous to ourselves. 
>>It makes women hesitant to start a unique journey. We should be more generous to ourselves. 
It\'s okay to make mistakes wherever you\'re in because It\'s better to be late than do nothing.
>> CORRECT!

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