t
학생이 쓴 원문
The shown chart illustrates the information of how many people access the one news channel during per day in a year. There are basically separated four times which are 1pm, 6pm, 9:30pm and 11pm, and the 11pm news was started on 1st May.
The most popular time was 6pm which started almost 5millions people in January until the end with 3millions people in December. However, it was dropping constantly during a year and after appeared 11pm news on May, the 11pm news was the highest time which many people watch in August. But interestingly, after the 11pm news reached the highest point with 4millions, it descended sharply until December with lower than 1milion. The 9:30pm news was the second popular time regularly, bur it decreased rapidly from May to August and it is the lowest time with 1million oppositely with the 11pm news in August. Then, the 9:30pm news has increased up to 3millions people until December. Lastly, the 1pm news was not popular time in terms of four times, while it has
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Good job on your first composition.
I got an idea of what we need to focus on in class.
Take note of the corrections below.
Remember that for Task 1, your explanation should be accurate and simply stated.
You can save your creative side for Task 2.
Please ask me in class if you have any questions.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
The shown chart illustrates the information of how many people access the one news channel during per day in a year.
>> The chart shows how many people access Channel one news per day for a duration of one year.
There are basically separated four times which are 1pm, 6pm, 9:30pm and 11pm, and the 11pm news was started on 1st May.
>> There are four time slots which include 1 p.m., 6 p.m., 9:30 p.m. and 11 p.m. which started on the 1st of May.
The most popular time was 6pm which started almost 5millions people in January until the end with 3millions people in December.
The most popular time was 6pm which started almost 5millions people in January until the end with 3millions people in December.
>> The most popular time slot was 6 p.m. which had almost 5 million viewers when it started in January and ended the year with 3 million viewers.
However, it was dropping constantly during a year and after appeared 11pm news on May, the 11pm news was the highest time which many people watch in August.
>> However, the number was fluctuating for the whole year especially when the 11 p.m. slot was made available and became popular in August.
But interestingly, after the 11pm news reached the highest point with 4millions, it descended sharply until December with lower than 1milion.
>> However, what\'s interesting is that after the 11 p.m. slot reached the highest point with 4 million viewers, there was a sharp descent which led to less than one million viewers in December.
The 9:30pm news was the second popular time regularly, bur it decreased rapidly from May to August and it is the lowest time with 1million oppositely with the 11pm news in August.
>> The 9:30 p.m. slot was the second most popular time slot but there was a sudden change from May to August where it went down to 1 million viewers in contrast to the height that the 11 p.m. news achieved at the same time.
Then, the 9:30pm news has increased up to 3millions people until December.
>> Such time slot ended the year positively with 3 million viewers in December.
Lastly, the 1pm news was not popular time in terms of four times, while it has maintained the number of people steadily between 1million to 2millions.
>> Lastly, the 1 p.m. news was not as popular as the other slots and was consistent with over a million viewers throughout the year.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.