Talk about a problem in your community and propose a solution.

2024-04-04 · 첨삭 강사 Ryka

학생이 쓴 원문

In Korea, there is a issue about birthrate. Because, it is too lower than the past It is too difficult problem. If the expense of raising baby could be decreased, like a education fee, many people could raise a baby.

강사 첨삭

Hey [이름]! Thank you for sharing your idea about the problem in your community. 
~~Teacher Ryka^^


In Korea, there is a issue about birthrate. Because, it is too lower than the past
>> In Korea, there is an issue about the birthrate because it is lower than in the past.

It is too difficult problem.
>>  It is a very difficult problem. 

If the expense of raising baby could be decreased, like a education fee, many people could raise a baby.
>> If the expenses of raising a baby could be decreased, such as education fees, many people could afford to raise a baby.

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