team work 2
학생이 쓴 원문
Second, I am a proactive with positive thinking.
I really love to work with other person, and collaborate to achieve goal. Since I\'m take in charge of collaborate with other department, I expend my boundary a lot. I believe collaboration is the key of the bank\'s success.
as the result, Foreign business Department was rank 2nd in most collaborate department of Busan Bank last year.
finally, I am the one who bring the creative idea.
I have many experience in different field. so, I can be a creative person who can intergrate my experiences . When I work with collaborate with mobile payment team, I bring many creative ideas. because I experienced china\'s highly developed third party payment.
For these reasons I am a most preferred team member in my bank.
강사 첨삭
Good evening, [이름]!^^
I\'m amazed the way you practice and study hard for your interview. Continue to make great answers. ^_^
Second, I am a proactive with positive thinking.
>>> Second, I am proactive with positive thinking.
OR>>>Second, I\'m a proactive person with positive thinking.
I really love to work with other person, and collaborate to achieve goal.
I really love to work with other person, and collaborate to achieve goal.
>>> I really love to work with other people and collaborate with them to achieve goals.
Since I\'m take in charge of collaborate with other department, I expend my boundary a lot.
>>> Since I\'m taking charge of collaborating with another department, I expand my boundaries a lot.
I believe collaboration is the key of the bank\'s success.
>>> I believe collaboration is the key to a bank\'s success.
as the result, Foreign business Department was rank 2nd in most collaborate department of Busan Bank last year.
>>> As a result, the Foreign Business Department was rank 2nd in most collaborate departments in Busan Bank last year.
finally, I am the one who bring the creative idea.
as the result, Foreign business Department was rank 2nd in most collaborate department of Busan Bank last year.
>>> As a result, the Foreign Business Department was rank 2nd in most collaborate departments in Busan Bank last year.
finally, I am the one who bring the creative idea.
>>> Finally, I was the one who brought the creative idea.
I have many experience in different field. so, I can be a creative person who can intergrate my experiences .
I have many experience in different field. so, I can be a creative person who can intergrate my experiences .
>>>I have many experiences in different fields, so I can be a creative person who integrates my experiences.
When I work with collaborate with mobile payment team, I bring many creative ideas.
>>> When I worked in collaborating with the mobile payment team, I brought many creative ideas.
because I experienced china\'s highly developed third party payment.
>>> It\'s because I experienced China\'s highly developed third party payment.
For these reasons I am a most preferred team member in my bank.
>>> It\'s because I experienced China\'s highly developed third party payment.
For these reasons I am a most preferred team member in my bank.
>>> For these reasons, I am the most preferred team member in my bank.
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