test2
학생이 쓴 원문
When I was 20 years old, I repeated a college entrance exam to big goal. Actually, it was nervous for me to leave the school I went and choose a different path. Because I was a coward who was afraid of new challenges. I thought a lot and it took me six months to make a decision. I made a big decision after thinking about it for so long. “Let\'s study what i\'ve wanted to do since i were young.” And I chose ‘new path’ for the first time in my life. After that, I thought I had to save up for the tuition. Of course, my parents paid for it, but I was sorry to go to more school again. So I started two part time jobs. I worked part-time at an outlet selling casual brand clothes, and I think I learned a lot of life lessons here. First of all, I didn\'t have the personality to talk to strangers, so I had a hard time working part-time job. It\'s not so sure if all the customers here will purchase it or not. (next page ㅠㅠ)
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름],
Thanks for this essay. It is an interesting story:)
-Rachel
When I was 20 years old, I repeated a college entrance exam to big goal.
>> When I was 20 years old, I repeated taking the college entrance examination to achieve a big goal.
Actually, it was nervous for me to leave the school I went and choose a different path. Because I was a coward who was afraid of new challenges
>> Before that, I was nervous to leave the school I attended and choose a different path because I was a coward who was afraid of new challenges
. I thought a lot and it took me six months to make a decision.
>> I thought about it a lot and it took me six months to make a big decision.
I made a big decision after thinking about it for so long.
>> correct (you don\'t have to include this in the essay because you already mentioned that it took you six months before you made the decision)
“Let\'s study what i\'ve wanted to do since i were young.” And I chose ‘new path’ for the first time in my life.
>> I decided to study what I\'ve always wanted since I was a child and chose a new path for the first time in my life.
After that, I thought I had to save up for the tuition. Of course, my parents paid for it, but I was sorry to go to more school again.
>> After that, I decided to save up for my tuition. Although my parents helped me out, I felt bad to let them pay for my school fees.
So I started two part time jobs. I worked part-time at an outlet selling casual brand clothes, and I think I learned a lot of life lessons here.
>> So, I took two part-time jobs. I worked at an outlet selling casual branded clothes, and I think I learned a lot of life lessons from this.
>> So, I took two part-time jobs. I worked at an outlet selling casual branded clothes, and I think I learned a lot of life lessons from this.
First of all, I didn\'t have the personality to talk to strangers, so I had a hard time working part-time job. It\'s not so sure if all the customers here will purchase it or not.
>> First, of all, it\'s not easy for me to talk to strangers so I had a hard time initially. I was not sure if all the customers who came in would make purchases or not.
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