the best artwork I\'ve seen so far
학생이 쓴 원문
My mother was in her 70\'s, she had a Korean traditional dance performance with her companies who had taken the dance class together. Almost 20 elders played for more than 1 hour on the stage in the local culture center. They prepared many things for this show. They all ordered more than 5 stage costumes each, booked the place for the show, made the invitation cards for their family or friends and did their make up like professionals. Of course they hard practiced for the show. I didn\'t know the whole process, but I could tell their efforts they poured into this show. At first, I thought it was a kind of school presentation, had no expectation for watching a good show, I just wanted to encourage my mom\'s golden age. But the performance was amazing especially my mother stood out among the elderly dancers, in my eyes. Haha. I was deeply impressed by the performance. Elders enjoying the dance and supportive audiences made the show more special, it might be the reason art is here.
강사 첨삭
Hi, [이름]!
Your story was very touching and heartwarming. I could really feel how proud you are of your mother. ^^
Your ideas were clear, and you used good details to describe the art performance. I just corrected some grammar and sentence structure to make your writing sound more natural and smoother in English. ^^
~ Teacher Gina
My mother was in her 70\'s, she had a Korean traditional dance performance with her companies who had taken the dance class together.
>> My mother is in her 70s. She had a Korean traditional dance performance with her classmates/colleagues from a dance class.
Almost 20 elders played for more than 1 hour on the stage in the local culture center.
>> CORRECT.
They prepared many things for this show.
>> CORRECT.
They all ordered more than 5 stage costumes each, booked the place for the show, made the invitation cards for their family or friends and did their make up like professionals.
>> They each ordered more than five stage costumes, booked the venue, made invitation cards for family and friends, and did their makeup like professionals.
Of course they hard practiced for the show.
>> Of course, they practiced hard for the show.
I didn\'t know the whole process, but I could tell their efforts they poured into this show.
>> I didn’t know the whole process, but I could see the effort they put into this show.
At first, I thought it was a kind of school presentation, had no expectation for watching a good show, I just wanted to encourage my mom\'s golden age.
>> At first, I thought it was like a school presentation, so I had no expectation for watching a good show. I just wanted to support my mom in her golden age.
But the performance was amazing especially my mother stood out among the elderly dancers, in my eyes. Haha.
>> But the performance was amazing; especially my mother stood out among the elderly dancers, in my eyes. Haha.
I was deeply impressed by the performance.
>> CORRECT.
Elders enjoying the dance and supportive audiences made the show more special, it might be the reason art is here.
>> The elders enjoying the dance and the supportive audience made the show very special. Maybe this is why art exists.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.