The best music festival that I have ever witnessed
학생이 쓴 원문
The 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was the most memorable.
I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years that I witnessed this festival.
I hope that I witness Busan International Rock Festival again after I get a job.
And it got cold suddenly at that time, but I didn\'t predict [이름]e of weather.
I only brought short sleeves, so I had to buy new clothes like sweater.
Also it was a first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!
But this moment was left by a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.
Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching a stage of FTISLAND, who were famous band in Korea.
They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs that they were showed by \"idol\"
But they have tried to [이름]e their music style about 10 years. And they finally proved their music on that stage.
Thus, 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
강사 첨삭
Hi there, [이름]!
What a musical experience of a lifetime! Some of my students attended this music festival as well with different stories to tell. I guess you had your eye on FTISLAND as it is your kind of jam and vibe. Indeed, you are a rocker!
The downpour of rain was a game [이름]er. Sometimes, simply going with the flow of nature and music is spontaneous and truly inspiring. Moreover, the quality of production and the wide variety of music genre in your country just keeps getting better.
Your story about this music fest was so interesting with the way you arranged your sentences, grouped your ideas, and your overall transition. I enjoyed reading your experience as a result.
Thank you for sharing your fond memories last year, it is one for the books!
Kindly note down the grammar suggestions I underscored in some of your sentences. This is an excellent piece.
See you!
-T. Donna~
>> Correct!
I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years that I witnessed this festival.
>> Correct!
Or: I was very elated because it took 7 or 8 years to I witness this festival.
I hope that I witness Busan International Rock Festival again after I get a job.
>> Correct!
And it got cold suddenly at that time, but I didn\'t predict [이름]e of weather.
And it got cold suddenly at that time, but I didn\'t predict [이름]e of weather.
>> It got cold suddenly that time and I didn\'t expect the [이름]e of weather.
I only brought short sleeves, so I had to buy new clothes like sweater.
>> Correct!
Also it was a first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!
>> Also it was the first time that I got caught in the rain at the music festival!
But this moment was left by a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.
>> But this moment left a good experience. Enjoying the stage while raining was so romantic.
Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching a stage of FTISLAND, who were famous band in Korea.
Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching a stage of FTISLAND, who were famous band in Korea.
>> Additionally, I was deeply impressed by watching the stage of FTISLAND, who is a famous band in Korea.
They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs that they were showed by \"idol\"
They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs that they were showed by \"idol\"
>> They have been loved by their rock ballad songs and cheerful songs as they were showed by \"idol\"
But they have tried to [이름]e their music style about 10 years. And they finally proved their music on that stage.
But they have tried to [이름]e their music style about 10 years. And they finally proved their music on that stage.
>> But, they have tried to [이름]e their music style about 10 years and they finally proved their music on that stage.
Thus, 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
Thus, 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
>> Thus, the 2023 Busan International Rock Festival was my best music festival ever.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.