The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believ

2019-03-15 · 첨삭 강사 Irene

학생이 쓴 원문

Necessity of educating adults would be a hugely controversial topic and can cause heated debate amongst people who hold strong views to this issue. I strongly believe that investing for adults who are illiterate is important. Some people hold the view that educating adults who do not read and write lead to a economic growth. In other words, there is a strong relation between education of adult and productivity. People who understand meaning of their task can easily excel in their field of works and achieve better results than those, who just work on simple tasks which are ordered by manager. For instance, a father of my friend who is illiteracy has been learning letters from my friend. After so many struggles and challenges along the way, he would be able to read and write. He has showed great abilities based on literacy and his company become a one of the competitive enterprise. Thus, advantages of educating elderly that causes high productivity outweigh the drawback of wasting time

강사 첨삭

Thank you dear Kelly for sending this answer. ^_^

~ T. Irene ~

Necessity of educating adults would be a hugely controversial topic and can cause heated debate amongst people who hold strong views to this issue.
>>> The necessity of educating illiterate adults would be a huge controversial topic and can cause heated debates amongst people who hold strong views to this issue.
I strongly believe that investing for adults who are illiterate is important.
>>> I strongly believe that investing money to educate this fraction of our society is very important.
 Some people hold the view that educating adults who do not read and write lead to a economic growth.
>>> Some people believe that educating adults who do not know how to read or write may lead to economic growth.
In other words, there is a strong relation between education of adult and productivity.
>>> In other words, there is a strong relationship between education of adults and productivity of a country.
People who understand meaning of their task can easily excel in their field of works and achieve better results than those, who just work on simple tasks which are ordered by manager.
>>> People who understand the meaning of their task can easily excel in their field of work and achieve better results than those who just work on simple tasks which are ordered by managers.
For instance, a father of my friend who is illiteracy has been learning letters from my friend.
>>> For instance, a friend\'s father, who is illiterate, has been learning about letters from my friend.
After so many struggles and challenges along the way, he would be able to read and write.
>>> So after many struggles and challenges along the way, he can now read and write.  
He has showed great abilities based on literacy and his company become a one of the competitive enterprise.
>>> After being educated, he now shows better abilities and was able to help his company become a very competitive enterprise.
Thus, advantages of educating elderly that causes high productivity outweigh the drawback of wasting time
>>> Thus, this form of education causes high productivity which outweighs the drawbacks of wasting time ..

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·