The First PIece: How well you get a good grade in English for university admission?

Hello [이름],

Thank you for writing your composition. You made very good sentences. Good job! Why aim for the second place, why not the first place. I hope you are feeling better now. See you later.

Take care!

~T. Lynn

I had gotten a bad score in every mock test that Korea Institute for Curriculum and Evaluation gives.

>>I had gotten a bad score in every mock test that the Korea Institute for Curriculum and Evaluation gives.

Futhermore, when I was third grade in my high school, I got a bad score in the test because I was playing with my friends after the computation of my academic reports was completed.

>>Furthermore, when I was in third year high school, I got a bad score in the test after the computation of my academic reports was completed because I was playing with my friends.

Eventually, I got the worst grade in the 2014 school year English for university admission and I entered a unwanted university.

>>Eventually, I got the worst grade in the 2014 school year English for university admission and I entered an unwanted university.

Unwanted, I felt bored and unpleasant at everything in the university.

>>correct!

So, I determined to take the College Scholastic Ability Test one more time and sought for the academy that was cheap because my family was a little poor.

>>So, I am determined to take the College Scholastic Ability Test one more time and sought for the academy that is cheap because my family is not rich.

Before long, I sought a self-study academy which was cheap and didn\'t need many teachers because the students in the academy did study by oneself during the time they were being in.
>>Before long, I sought a self-study academy which was cheap and didn\'t need many teachers because the students in the academy did study by oneself during the time they were there. 

Please, expect my the second piece~!

>>Please, expect me to get the second place~!