The homework for February 17th.

2025-02-20 · 첨삭 강사 Cathy

학생이 쓴 원문

Q : How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations? A : In my view, the word \"Violence\" is a natural action that humans are having. (P) In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving. Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc.. As we are descendents of them, we have a violence. (R) Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone. (E) So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having. (P)

강사 첨삭

Hello Eddy,

Your answer shows a strong effort in expressing your thoughts in English, and I can see that you are thinking deeply about the topic. It’s great to see you trying to explain why violence happens by looking at human history and natural instincts. That’s a very thoughtful perspective!

You are also doing well in organizing your ideas. I like how you explain that violence has existed since ancient times and how you connect it to modern situations. This shows that you are not just answering the question, but you are also thinking about the reasons behind it, which is very important in writing and discussion.

It’s impressive that you are expressing complex ideas in English. Keep practicing, and you will get even better at explaining your thoughts clearly and smoothly. You\'re improving, and I can see that you\'re putting in the effort. Great job! Keep up the good work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, the word \"Violence\" is a natural action that humans are having.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, violence is a natural behavior that humans possess.

In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving.

>>In the past, humans had to use violence to survive.

Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..

>>Like war, hunting, and fighting to take beautiful women, etc.

As we are descendents of them, we have a violence.

>>As we are descendants of them, we have violence within us.

Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone.

>>Regardless of age, everyone uses violence when they want to defeat someone.

So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having.

>>So, violence can occur anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans have.

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