The jobs that should be rewarded enough

2020-03-05 · 첨삭 강사 Eve

학생이 쓴 원문

Many people try to get a \"good\" job. The salary is one of the most important elements people regard when getting a job. In Korea, doctors and people who work in a big company earn a lot of money. I think doctos should receive a high salary. They invest their time and money a lot to become a doctor. After becoming a doctor, they work really hard to \"save\" people. They save a \"life\", so they should get enough rewards. Firefighters or construction workers should earn a lot of money. In case of firefighters, they sacrifice their lives to \"save\" others. If they have to choose themselves or a citizen in the worst situation, they definitely prioritize the citizen. Construction workers are in danger of sacrificing their lives. They climb higher and higher to build a beautiful building. Our cities can be brightened because of them. All jobs I mention are related to lives. The most important value is a \"life.\" Therefore, people who save or sacrifice their lives should earn enough money.

강사 첨삭

Good piece!
I agree with your point, and here in the Philippines, farmers should also get a higher pay. 
Farmers in my country are currently having a hard time and it\'s really sad. 
Keep creating great compositions, [이름]!
~Teacher Eve. 
Many people try to get a \"good\" job. 
>> Correct!
The salary is one of the most important elements people regard when getting a job. 
>> The salary is one of the most important elements people consider when getting a job. 
In Korea, doctors and people who work in a big company earn a lot of money.
>> Correct!
I think doctos should receive a high salary. 
>> I think doctors should receive a high salary. 
They invest their time and money a lot to become a doctor. 
>> They invest a lot of their time and money to become a doctor. 
After becoming a doctor, they work really hard to \"save\" people. 
>> Correct!
They save a \"life\", so they should get enough rewards.
>> Correct!
Firefighters or construction workers should earn a lot of money. 
>> Correct!
In case of firefighters, they sacrifice their lives to \"save\" others. 
>> In the case of firefighters, they sacrifice their lives to \"save\" others.
If they have to choose themselves or a citizen in the worst situation, they definitely prioritize the citizen.
>> If they have to choose between themselves of the citizen in worse condition, they will definitely prioritize the citizen.
Construction workers are in danger of sacrificing their lives. 
>> Correct!
They climb higher and higher to build a beautiful building. 
>> They climb high to build a beautiful building. 
Our cities can be brightened because of them.
>> Correct!
All jobs I mention are related to lives. 
>> All the jobs I mentioned are related to human lives.
The most important value is a \"life.\" 
>> Correct!
Therefore, people who save or sacrifice their lives should earn enough money. 
>> Correct!

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·