The life of government official is diffrent from what I expected!

2024-04-25 · 첨삭 강사 Khai

학생이 쓴 원문

When I was in university, I was super shy girl. So I usually got nervous when I met people even though I majored in Social Welfare. During in university, I always thought that I\'m not cut out for working in social welfare area. After graduated, I thought that I would rarely met people being the government official. I had an image of official, working only in office and rarely communicating with people. So I started to study to be an official, and then I passed the exam and finally became a local government official. But my fantasy of official was shattered. While working, I have communicated -sometimes I fought- with people more than when I was in university. I even visited the home who need to help, talked with them, and gave items that are donated. While Covid-19 pandamic, I even delivered groceries to the confirmed case! Therefore, the life of official what I have expected is very far from its reality.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for writing a meaningful essay, [이름]. I believe that you have learned a lot from your work and it made you a better person. ^^

-Khai

When I was in university, I was super shy girl.

>> When I was in university, I was a super shy girl.

So I usually got nervous when I met people even though I majored in Social Welfare.

>> CORRECT

During in university, I always thought that I\'m not cut out for working in social welfare area.

>> During my university years, I always thought that I was not fit to work in social welfare.

After graduated, I thought that I would rarely met people being the government official.

>> After graduating, I thought I would rarely meet people being a government official.

I had an image of official, working only in office and rarely communicating with people.

>> I had an image of an official who is only working in the office and rarely communicates with people.

So I started to study to be an official, and then I passed the exam and finally became a local government official.

>> CORRECT

But my fantasy of official was shattered.

>> CORRECT
OR
>> But my dream of beco[이름]g an official was shattered.

While working, I have communicated -sometimes I fought- with people more than when I was in university.

>> While working, I have communicated and sometimes even fought with people more compared with when I was in the university.

I even visited the home who need to help, talked with them, and gave items that are donated.

>> I even visited a home that needed help, talked with them, and gave donated items.

While Covid-19 pandamic, I even delivered groceries to the confirmed case!

>> During the COVID-19 pandemic, I even delivered groceries to the confirmed case!

Therefore, the life of official what I have expected is very far from its reality.

>> Therefore, the life of an official I have expected is very far from its reality.

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