The most attractive family member.

Hi [이름]!

This is a good start.

I like how you express yourself and the facts that you include in your composition.

What we need to focus on is the organization of your thoughts.

There must be a balance in your sentences.

Each sentence must contain a single thought to avoid confusion.

We\'ll talk more about this in class.^^

~~ Teacher Sharon

I come from a family of 4 people - my mother, father, brother, and I.

>> Correct

All my family members have their own charm.

>> Correct

Before I introduce the most attractive person in my family, I want to introduce my family.

>> Before I introduce the most attractive person in my family, I want to introduce them first.

First of all, my mother is very sweet and careful.

>> Correct

She always takes care of My bother and I, and she has short and brown hair.

>> She always takes care of my brother and me and she has short and brown hair.

Secondly, my father is introversive, so he doesn\'t speak with my brother and I often.

>> Secondly, my father is an introvert so he doesn\'t often speak with my brother and me.
Lastly, my bother is humorous and an extrovert.

>> Lastly, my brother has a good sense of humor and an extrovert.

He\'s also the most attractive person in my family.

>> Correct

This is because he\'s interest in many areas like business and languages.

>> This is because he\'s interested in many areas like business and languages.

So, he always try to obtain information through many books.

>> So, he always tries to obtain information from different books.

I often acquire new information from my brother, and he like to share his knowledge.

>> I often acquire new information from my brother, and he likes to share his knowledge.

Thus, he has many friends, and he like to take care of them.

>> Thus, he has many friends, and he likes to take care of them.

I think that his attitude makes him more attractive.

>> Correct
For these reason, all my family members have their own personalities, my brother is the most attractive person among them.

>> For these reasons, while all my family members have their own special personalities, my brother is the most attractive person among them.