The most important thing that humans have created

2016-05-20 · 첨삭 강사 Lynn

학생이 쓴 원문

What is the most important thing that human have created? Imagine for a while. At the beginning of the 20 century, human has achieved many big advance. Human make a airplines and cars, telephone and so on. In the next step, man is developing rockets into space can reach the moon. It is a first step of great human like the words of Neil Armstrong. Finally Bill Gates was developed on internet and open up a new world. It is perfect new paradigm. The internet is small spaces, in other word 'micrecosm'. Human can do everything on the internet with individuals. Now it comes out Iot(Internet of thing). Iot can control the house from the outside. It is the new world more than Huxlry speaks new world. I think the most important thing that human have created is the internet. Internet changes the world. It puts on human being in universe.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름]!


A wonderful Friday to you!

Well, I agree with you. I think as of now the most important thing that human have created is the internet. Communication is really important. Many Filipinos work abroad and so the advancement of technology helps a lot to connect them to their families. You wrote a very good composition sir. I like how you developed your ideas. I\'ll be waiting for the next one. Have a great weekend!

 

Take care!

~T. Lynn

 

What is the most important thing that human have created?

>>correct!

Imagine for a while.

>>correct

OR>> Think for a while.

At the beginning of the 20 century, human has achieved many big advance.

>>At the beginning of the 20th century, humans have achieved many big advances.

Human make a airplines and cars, telephone and so on.

>>Humans invented airplanes, cars, telephones and so on.

In the next step, man is developing rockets into space can reach the moon.

>> Then, man developed rockets which can reach the moon.

It is a first step of great human like the words of Neil Armstrong.

>>The first man who landed on the moon was Neil Armstrong.

Finally Bill Gates was developed on internet and open up a new world.

>>Finally, Bill Gates developed the internet and open up a new world.

It is perfect new paradigm.

>> It is a perfect new paradigm.

OR>> It is a perfect new invention.

The internet is small spaces, in other word \'micrecosm\'.

>> The internet is a small space, in other words \'microcosm\'.

Human can do everything on the internet with individuals.

>> Humans can do everything on the internet.

Now it comes out Iot(Internet of thing).

>> Now there are many things on the internet.

Iot can control the house from the outside.

>> You can see your house even if you are outside.

It is the new world more than Huxlry speaks new world.

>>It is more than the new word that Huxley speaks of.

I think the most important thing that human have created is the internet.

>>correct!

Internet changes the world. It puts on human being in universe.

>>The internet changed the world. It connects people in the universe.

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